Because I Loved You

The next few days of my life were filled with calling, texting, emailing and Facebooking. I sent him instant message after instant message only to find out he’d deleted me on his accounts… I even made a freaking Twitter account only to discover that Finn doesn’t HAVE a Twitter account! And why WOULD he have a Twitter account?!

Then I got old school.

I decided to write Finn a letter. An honest to God letter, with like paper and a pen and I stuck it in an envelope, scribbled his name on the front, and stuck it in his mailbox. I tried to slide it underneath his door but his mom put like a thing underneath it to keep cool air inside the house or whatever…
The letter went something like this:

Dear Finny,
Yeah, so I’m really, really sorry about freaking out on you at school. I said sorry.

My little note didn’t get me so much as a peep out of him, so I wrote another:

Dear Finny,
I said I was sorry. What more do you want?

That one earned me getting ignored in the hallways… So I wrote another:

Dear Finny,
Please Finny, I miss you and I miss seeing you.

That one got me nothing. Literally, I mean nothing. He didn’t even look at me anymore! So I tried one more time and vowed that if I didn’t get any kind of result at all the next thing I’d do was threaten to kill myself...

Dear Finny,
Come on, you know you gotta talk to me sometime. You’re having my baby so we have to work something out. Listen… or read whatever. I miss you so much and I’m sorry if that scares you but it’s the truth and I don’t wanna lie to you. So please answer your phone dude and stop ignoring me at school. It’s not like I’m gonna jump you or anything. I honestly just want to talk.
-Puck

***

“Do you remember the first time we had sex?” I asked Finn over the phone on Saturday night. He’d finally “opened the doors of communication” a few days ago by accepting me back on Facebook as a friend, and now I was allowed to speak to him over the phone.

He snorted. “Do you honestly think asking me that is the best thing you can do right now?” he asked. I smiled but stayed silent. “Yeah I remember… It was awful…” he said after a short silence.

“Awful?!” I cried. “That’s not how I remember it!”

“Well yeah that’s because you were drunk, you barely remember anything,” he muttered and I thought I heard the slightest bit of fondness in his voice.

“Pff!” I chided rolling my eyes. “It was awesome and you know it.”

I had been lying in my bed at around ten at night in the semi darkness listening to some music when my thoughts had drifted to the first time Finn and I had screwed. I’d decided to try calling him up and he’d actually answered!

“It wasn’t very romantic or anything but it felt nice…” I added.

“Not very romantic?!” he asked sounding slightly outraged. “It was on that random couch you have in your bedroom during a house party and it lasted like two seconds, lame…”

“It was not there!” I cried sitting up on my bed. “No way! I woke up in my bed!”

“Yeah that’s because I lugged you there afterwards…” he muttered.

“…Our baby wasn’t… he wasn’t made that night, right…?” I asked nervously.

“No dude!” he cried. “Think about! Your party was five months before this happened and, don’t you remember I made you put on a condom. I didn’t want you coming inside of me, you math whiz…”

“Ohh…” I muttered laying back down on my bed feeling like a complete idiot.

"So we're not gonna talk about this boyfriend thing, are we..." I asked after a long silence, or what seemed like a long silence, silences always seem longer on the phone... I bit my lip nervously.

"The what thing?" he asked innocently.

I sighed, relieved but slightly saddened. We wouldn't talk about that tonight...

“Hey, why aren’t you out tonight?” he asked changing the subject. “Santana’s having a party right?”

“Err, yeah actually she is having one tonight,” I said.

“And why aren’t you at it Mr. Puckerman?” he asked cutely. Mr. Puckerman…

I really didn’t want to tell him it was because there was nothing I wanted more than to be at his house with him hanging out, rubbing his tummy and maybe even getting some action… who knew…?

“Uhh, you know Finny I just wasn’t up for it tonight,” I covered.

“Hm, really now Puck?” he asked. “I’m sure there would have been plenty of tail at her party, there always is.”

“Yeah well I don’t want Santana’s tail of anyone else’s’…” I muttered disdainfully.

He laughed. “Who’s do you want then?”

“You know who’s,” I muttered back over the line before I could stop myself.

“Puck…” he sighed.

“No Finny, you know you feel it too,” I said.

“Oh whatever!” he scoffed. “Dude are you drunk?!”

“No!” I protested. “What about that time we fooled around last week?!”

“That was nice,” he admitted.

“Ha!” I shouted in triumph.

“It relieved me,” he went on. “It was like using the bathroom.” I frowned. “Puck, right now I’m so horny I would fuck anything.”

“But you don’t!” I cried.

“Yeah, only because my mom won’t let me out of her freaking sight!” he practically yelled. He sighed miserably.

“What is it?” I asked still slightly perturbed.

“I want to have sex,” he muttered like he was ashamed.

“I can be over in two minutes,” I said sitting up.

“NO PUCK!” he snapped. I groaned angrily and laid back down. “Puck what is up with you?!” he asked. “Why are you so horny lately?”

I snorted rudely. “I told you! I am RIDICULOUSLY hot for you right now.”

“But WHY?!” he pressed sounding irritated.

“Well I dunno,” I muttered. “You’re over there talking about how much you want sex right now and MY body is… I dunno TELLING me to be with you… telling me to have sex with you…” As I was speaking I noticed that my boxers were tightening considerably. I could barely stand it. If I wasn’t with Finn right then I didn’t know what I’d do…

“You kissed me a few nights ago,” he said quietly.

“I wanted to do a hell of a lot more to you Finn,” I said raspily.

“Oh my God! You’re hard right now aren’t you?!” he asked.

“…Yes?!” I cried trying my hardest not to make it sound like a question, but I had a really hard time lying to him.

“Ugh!” he snapped and immediately hung up his phone.

I sat up, the best I could manage, and called Finn like two hundred times before getting fed up and laying back down again. Madness…

My memories of Finn and my first time together, albeit a little blurry, were NOT of it being bad…

He’d taken me back up to my room when I’d been so drunk I was calling Quinn all sorts of names because that’s how I get when I’m drunk; angry, belligerent, mean some would say… Whatever. So he took me back to my room so I could comfortably pass out in my bed when I laid the biggest, wettest, sloppiest kiss I’d ever given anyone right on his lips… and around the rest of his mouth… and his nose… He’d said something funny then like, ‘Dude I’M not Santana!’ or something like that whatever, next thing I know we’re making out, I push him to the couch [yes there is a ‘random couch’ in my bedroom, long story] we get pantsless and the rest is history…

Fine, I had to admit that I didn’t remember ALL of the details but I HAD to have been good! I mean it was ME for Christ’s sake! ME! I’m a sex god if anyone didn’t know…

But our first time was not my favourite memory that Finn and I had made…

'Do you remember the time we did it on your sofa??' I texted him.

I waited a good thirty seconds before my phone vibrated announcing his answer.

'Yeah. And?'

I smiled.

'was that the night we made the baby?'

'I don’t have to answer that'

'it totally was wasn’t it finn?'

'goodnight puck' was all I got back.

I sighed but smiled. I loved my memories of that night…

It had been hot, it was mid- July, one of the hottest days of the year and the entire town’s power had gone off leaving everyone without air conditioning. It was sticky… Finn’s mother had left for the next town over to her parents’ house to escape the heat but Finn had stayed behind. I was bored, Santana was gone on a Cheerios competition, so I walked over to his house. It had been about a month or two after we’d first done it but we hadn’t really seen each other since it happened. I don’t think he thought I remembered it at all but I did, mostly.

He had looked so cute and nervous taking glances at me occasionally from his side of the sofa. I got tired of it though and confronted him about the night of the party. He freaked out then and started blabbing about how it was a mistake this, and an accident that, and I listened while all the time I moved closer to him. My mind had been totally clear then, well MOSTLY clear; I’d had maybe a drop of hard liquor earlier. I knew what I wanted though. I wanted Finn.

So we wound up with me sitting on the center of his sofa legs spread, and him facing me, sitting in my lap with his legs around my waist. I remember the frantic moans he’d made while I humped him. He sounded like a bitch, whining and huffing so obviously needing me to satisfy him. And I wanted to! I clawed off all his clothes and we’d taken off my pants together. I was so ready for him.

He’d been so tight that night and he’d smelled so good like sweat and sex and cum. I’d rode him hard and rough not really caring about hurting him, he hadn’t said anything anyway he’d just panted and gasped into my ear. I remembered him shivering as I grabbed his ass grunted. His ass… it had been much smaller then… And his waist had been thin and covered in muscle, something it would probably never be again. It was sticky and it absolutely radiated heat. Everything was hot, INSIDE of him was hot and his tightness only made it more oppressive! I thought I was going to explode from it!

Finn had his arms wrapped around my neck and was scratching my back with his nails! He even was trying to stifle his moans and grunts by digging his teeth into my shoulder! We went for a long time, longer than most times I’d had sex for and he came first. He’d screamed out my name into my shoulder and his seed spilled onto our waists. His whole body had begun a series of convulsions, tightening and expanding several times around me as I continued to fuck him. But his convulsions willed me to come and MY seed buried itself deep inside him…

That’s when we realized we’d forgotten a condom…

Yeah, that’s when we’d made our baby…

'you know if we did make the baby on your sofa during the blackout then im glad'

'and why would you be glad abt tht?' was his reluctant reply two and half minutes later.

'because you were on fire that night'

'why does it always come back to you having sex with me?'

'BC I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!!!'

'well I wasn’t fat then…'

'finny I don’t care that ur fat!! My mom SAYS ur supposed to be fat! we honestly cant be arguing abt this!'

'puck…'

'listen finn, I don’t care tht your fat rlly, I actually kind of like it, I just want 2b with you all the time I cant help it!'

'well TRY. I don’t think its good for us to be together right now'

'not good for the parents of our baby not to be together???'

'not good for ME'

I frowned.

'what the hell are you talking abt finn?'

'my mom doesn’t want me to be with u, no one at school wants me to be with u, the baby wants EVERYTHING from me, and you just want to fuck me! Fuck u!'

I growled.

'what the hell dude?!'

'look puck, I am just as horny as u, mayb evn more, but im not gonna have sex with u just to get hurt again bc every1 nos the sec ur done w me ull go off to whatever hot piece of ass that walks along!'

I gasped and decided to call him. “You better pick up you bastard…”

“What?!” he screamed.

“Where the hell do you get off saying that shit?! What ‘hot piece of ass’ are you talking about?!” I yelled.

“The one you’re sure to leave me for the second you lose interest!” he cried.

“I am never gonna lose interest in you Finn!” I shouted not even aware of what I was saying actually meant. “Why does this have to be so complicated dude?! I just want to have sex with you!”

“And then what?!” he bellowed. “And then what?!”

“I- I don’t know!” I cried feeling panicked.

“Are we gonna be boyfriends?! Are we gonna get engaged?! Are we gonna get married?!” he asked not so seriously.

“Do you WANT that?!” I asked because I was ready to give that to him.

“NO!” he yelled. “I DON’T want that! I DON’T want that!”

“Okay then FINE!” I shouted back. “Fine Finn! We’re just friends, if that! We WON’T have sex anymore, no more fooling around! It will just be baby crap from now on! Goodbye!”

“PUCK!” he screeched at the last second before I hung up.

“What?!” I yelled.

“My doctor appointment is tomorrow afternoon at three!”

“Fine!” I screamed. “I’ll be there!”

“Oooo!!!” he yelled in frustration before hanging up on me.

“Ahhhaaarg!!!!” I bellowed throwing my phone across the room. “Damnit to hell!”

***

That night when I finally fall asleep I dream I am having rough angry sex. The who wasn’t important but whoever they are they are tight, virginal, and have their ass pressed up against my groin with their face buried in my pillows. I had my fingers leaving bruises on the skin of my partner and I didn’t care. This was just what I needed more than anything I’d ever needed before. I pounded in relentlessly and made all the noises I wanted to. I came and it was the best orgasm I’d had in months.

When I woke up I found a sticky film covering my abdomen…