Deceptions, Lies, and Butterflies

The following morning John woke from a fitful sleep. He wondered once more if Melissa would come to him again. As the hours passed, Desmond and Sun came to see him. Claire even brought her baby for a visit along with her friend, Charlie. However, there was no sign of Melissa. Had she finally given up? He then remembered her words from the day before. “John, I won’t come around anymore. I can’t. It just… hurts too much. I can’t keep saying I’m sorry. The letter said it all and I just can’t.…” He had to find her. Sliding his legs over the edge of the cot, he started to stand, when Desmond came into the shelter.

"Hold up there, brotha," Desmond said, walking over to John. "Can I getcha somethin'?"

John couldn't have been happier to see Desmond at that moment. "Yes. Do you remember the young lady that you said had been checking on me?" Desmond nodded his head. Placing a hand on the younger man's arm, John said, "Please find her. Tell her to come see me."

Nodding his head, a wide grin crossed Desmond's face. "Right, brotha. Can do." He then turned to leave.

********

Melissa watched as Desmond approached. Her heart leapt in her throat. What had happened to John? She couldn’t move; she was too afraid. Even if John hated her, as long as he was alive she could get through this. She didn’t care about herself – only him. She was shaking by the time Desmond reached her. She felt relief wash over her when he assured her that John was fine. Relief was immediately replaced with apprehension as she was told that John was asking to see her. Had he read the letter? Was he ready to forgive her? Was he going to tell her to stay away forever?

The uneasiness increased with each step toward his shelter. Melissa was hoping that she’d be able to see something in John’s face, but as she approached she saw him sitting on the edge of the cot with his head in his hands. All she could think was that it was finally over. He was going to tell her to leave.

While John had been waiting, he wondered if Desmond would be able to locate Melissa. And if he did, would she come? He had waited for what seemed like forever. Hearing someone enter the shelter, he sat up. It was her. His heart was racing, as he started to stand.

As John stood up Melissa’s mind tried to process all that she was seeing. Why had he asked to see her? Was he leaving? Her heart fell. She couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much to ask of her. He was going to leave and not forgive her and she’d never recover.

"Let's go for a walk," John said and made his way to exit the shelter.

“John, I… I don’t understand.”

Rather than reply he motioned for Melissa to join him. She followed without further question. John led her away from the shelter and down to the beach. The entire way he did not speak. When they reached the water's edge he finally stopped. Turning to face Melissa, he took both her hands in his. He had longed to touch her again for what seemed like forever. And now that he had her hands in his, he felt a lump forming in his throat.

Had John’s not speaking been an indication of what was to come? As he held her hands Melissa felt like she was going to die. All this time she had been hoping for reconciliation. She knew she wanted more than just forgiveness. But now it seemed as if she was going to get neither. She couldn’t stop the stream of tears nor could she look him in the eye.

Melissa’s tears broke John’s heart. He knew it was because he had not spoken to her for far too long. He had not been fair to her. Releasing one of her hands, he lifted her face, before brushing the tears from one cheek and then the other. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

Melissa felt her legs give out as she started to sink to the sand. John wasn’t going to forgive her. He was sorry but he couldn’t forgive her. If she thought her heart had been broken before, she was wrong. This was worse than anything she could imagine, worse than anything she could possibly bear. And now she would see him every day and know that they would never be together. It was too much. It was just too much. Sobs wracked her body, as she softly repeated, “No. No. No.”

"Melissa!" John quickly stepped forward, grabbing her around the waste to support her. Slowly he lowered her to the ground and sat beside her, while he held her shaking form. He felt terrible. She must have thought he was going to tell her to stay out of his life forever. That was not his intention. "Shhh," he said, rocking her, as he stroked her hair. He then lifted her tear-stained face and looked deep into her eyes. "I forgive you, Melissa," he said softly. "I forgive you."

Melissa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She searched John’s eyes and for the first time, she saw forgiveness. She leaned against him, asking him, “Say it again.”

Pulling Melissa into an embrace, John said, "I forgive you." He held her for a few moments before adding, "I'm sorry for not talking to you sooner."

“Don’t. Don’t apologize to me. Just… say my name again.”

"Melissa," John whispered, as he rested his cheek on the back of her head. He found he loved saying that name. Her name. Her real name. "Melissa," he said once more, before turning her to face him. He then brought his lips to hers.

Having John say her name – not Stacy’s, not Helen’s – was the sweetest sound in the whole world. Melissa thought her heart would burst with the happiness she felt. When he finally pulled back, she spoke barely above a whisper, “I missed you so much.”

"I missed you, too," John replied, caressing her cheek. "I'm sorry," he started to say again when Melissa tried to interrupt him. However, he put a finger to her lips to silence her. "No. I need to say it, Melissa. I was wrong for being so harsh with you. For not giving you the chance to explain what happened." He pulled her back into an embrace. "I'll never let that happen again. I promise."

“I’ll never give you reason to. I will always be honest with you. I don’t want to lose you again.” Melissa snuggled closer to him. “John, I’ve never felt this way about anyone. It scares me a little to love you this much. When I thought I’d lost you….”

"I know," John said softly. And he truly did. He couldn't help but think once more of Helen and how much she had hurt him. "It's no excuse for my behavior," he started, "but I had a hard time letting go of Helen, when she left me." He wasn't sure why he was telling Melissa this, but felt like she needed to know. To understand him and for him to finally heal and move forward. "I guess you knew that, seeing as how I called...." He was too embarrassed to finish the sentence, his face flushing as he glanced away. "I didn't think I could ever love someone again after her," he finally continued. "Now, I know I can." John looked back at her. "Now that I've found you."

Melissa wondered just how much her heart could take. The miracle wasn't surviving the crash; the miracle was John. He knew the truth, he accepted it, and he still loved her. At least that's what it appeared he was implying. "You... you love me?" she asked, gazing up at him, as her heart raced.

John smiled down at her. "Yes," he replied. "I love you." He brought his lips back to Melissa’s, before adding, "I love you with all my being." At that moment, all of his troubles had washed away and once more he knew he was the luckiest person to be alive.

“I love you seems so… inadequate… for the way I feel.” Melissa smiled and relished the look of love she saw in his eyes.

John's smile broadened. He knew exactly what she meant.

Melissa placed her hand on John’s thigh and asked the only other question she needed to know the answer to. “John, your legs… what happened?”

Her touch caused John's breath to catch in his throat. It stirred something within him that he had not felt in over four years. Taking a deep breath, he reached for the hand on his leg and clasped it tightly. "My legs," he started to say. Was Melissa asking about why he hadn't been able to walk or how he was able to walk now? It made more sense that she'd want to know what had brought back his ability. "The island gave me a miracle," he said at last. And a miracle it was indeed. Not only could he walk again, he knew that the next time he made love with Melissa he'd be able to enjoy it even more than he had the last time. The thought caused him to smile once more.

“If I hadn’t come…. If you hadn’t found out the truth the way you did…. If the plane hadn't crashed.... Do you think all of this was meant to happen?”

"Yes," John replied without hesitation. "Everything happens for a reason.” He drew Melissa into a hug. "I know this may sound strange, but I wouldn't want to change anything that's happened." And for once he truly meant it. All the trials and tribulations in his life had brought him to this place. Sitting silently for a few moments, he just held her in his arms. It felt so nice. So right. “Struggle is nature’s way of strengthening and sometimes makes it all the more worth while,” he mused. “It’s like the caterpillar waiting to emerge from its cocoon. We could easily set it free, before it’s time, but it would not be nearly as beautiful and would soon die. However, if it frees itself, it will emerge as one of God’s strong and beautiful creatures.”

Sitting there in John’s arms, Melissa thought over his words. “My grandmother passed her love of butterflies to me. I always just thought of them as being beautiful and never really thought about all they went through to attain that beauty.” She leaned into him, loving the feeling of being wrapped in his arms. “Now I have even more reason to love them. And you.” Melissa started to say more but hesitated. It seemed so selfish to want more than she had already been given. “John...”

"Hmmm?" John asked, his cheek resting on the back of Melissa’s head.

Melissa blushed as she finished her thought. “I was just thinking that even though we are on a remote island, we don’t really have anywhere to go to be alone.”

John felt his heart flutter at her words. "Sure there is," he replied. Glancing at Melissa once more, he had a hint of mischief in his eyes. "It just takes some creativity." He hadn't forgotten the romantic day he had planned for her back in Sydney. Now he'd finally have the opportunity to bring it about.

“Creativity, huh?” Melissa saw the gleam in his eye when he said it. “Just what do you have in mind?”

"You'll have to wait and see," John stated. Standing, he pulled Melissa up with him. "I'll be back. I just need about an hour." Giving her a brief kiss, he realized the irony of that statement.