Careful What You Wish For

A Proposition

Castiel got back just a few minutes before Sam. He sat at the kitchen table, waiting. When Sam came in to put the groceries away he was startled but quickly recovered.

"Woah! Uh, hey Cas. What's up?" he set the bags on the counter and began to unpack them, busying himself to distract from how horribly awkward he felt.

"We need to talk," Castiel looked up at Sam, searching for how he was feeling.

"Um, yeah, okay. Shoot," he kept working.

"Sam, stop. We need to have an actual conversation. Sit down."

Sam took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves. Acquiescing to the angel's request, he left the groceries alone and joined him at the table. The two briefly made eye contact before Sam started to stare at the table.

Cas sighed. "I can tell this is uncomfortable for you, so I'll just get to it. I saw what you were thinking the other day."

He cleared his throat. "Uh, hm, yeah. I, uh, I'm sorry about that. It was just this weird, stray thought that popped into my head. It won't happen again."

"I also saw what you were thinking today."

He felt his face grow hot. His heart was pounding now. "Right, well, see, that was, uhm... I just..."

"I gather Crowley encouraged it?"

Sam went white with near-terror. His mouth opened slightly, but nothing would come out. His head was flooded with fears being realized. Had Castiel told Dean? What would he have said? What would he do? How could he make it up to his brother? Did he think he had fallen off the wagon and was back on blood? Finally, he spoke. "Please don't tell Dean."

Castiel seemed unhappy with that response, but he nodded. "I won't. You're entitled to privacy. But we still need to talk."

His assurance calmed Sam quite a bit. "Yeah, fine. What do you need to know?"

"Do you mean it?"

"Yeah, anything, I'll try to answer."

"No, I mean... Are those thoughts reflective of genuine desire?"

Sam swallowed and discovered his throat was painfully dry. He considered lying and insisting once more that was a fleeting thought that meant nothing. He thought better of it. "I guess... yeah. Not at first - I'd never thought of you like that before. But after it occurred to me, I haven't been able to get it out of my head." He sighed, "I'm sorry, Cas. I know this has to be weird for you, I mean one because I'm a friend and two because you're like, asexual or something so you can't even relate to the feeling."

Castiel furrowed his brow. "You don't need to apologize for your feelings, Sam. I think it's pretty natural for two people who have been through as much as we have together to have those kinds of thoughts about one another. And trust me, I'm not asexual. Meg an-"

"Woah! Okay there buddy, wounds are still open on that one, let's not go there."

He didn't understand how Meg was still a painful subject but Crowley was forgiven enough to be fornicating with, but he decided he didn't need to understand to be respectful. He nodded. "Well, I'm not asexual. I just don't think about it very often."

Sam tried to puzzle out what exactly Cas meant by all of this. "So... you're saying... you've had these feelings, too?"

"Well, no. Not like that, not before the incident the other day. Emotionally, I've felt very close to you for some time, of course, but the sexual desire is very new."

Sam looked, and felt, a little disappointed, although he didn't know he had been hopeful of anything. "Okay... so what are you saying?"

"I guess... I'm saying that we should go back to your room. And probably lock the door."