Cold Feet

​Chapter 12 - All You Have to Do is Breath

 

Luke leaned against the back counter in the diner, drying a high ball glass with a rag, as he watched Dean drive through town, heading towards the highway. He had to hand it to the kid, Dean didn’t even look through the window of Luke’s, or back at Stars Hollow, as he drove toward Maine.



Earlier in the day, after Dean had passed out on his chest, Luke felt a strange pressure on his heart. He knew he didn’t love the kid, not the way that Dean loved him, but he felt like something had happened to him that would always cause Luke to miss their connection. Maybe it was perverted, after all, Dean was young enough to be his son, but he liked the idea of wrapping his arms around the naked man and protecting him with his embrace. Before he could change his mind about the end of their relationship, Luke had eased Dean from his chest, made sure he was still asleep, and wandered down to the waves, still completely in the nude.



The cold water of early summer stung his ankles when he waded in, but it felt like a healing balm to the anxiety that was starting to make his heart pound. He cupped himself as the water started to reach his waist and hissed when the cold water hit his scrotum. His recently shaved parts stung in the salt water, and he wondered why he event bothered to shave down there at all. He wasn’t sure if Lorelai even liked it. At the memory of Lorelai, he felt relief when the salt water started to wash away the last remnants of Dean that clung to his skin. Luke had become accustomed to Dean’s musky smell, maybe too accustomed, and didn’t want it to haunt him on the drive home.



He took a deep breath, braced and dove under the chilly saltwater. When he came up he thought of Lorelai again, and realized she hadn’t been in his thoughts at all, once they shared that first kiss on the beach. He wondered what that meant, until he felt an arm slip around him. Unable to bear the bittersweet feeling that started to swamp him, Luke plastered a mischievous smile on his face and dunked Dean below the water. Dean struggled for a bit as Luke held him under, and then shot up after Luke released him.



They wrestled for a bit like boys in the water, laughing and splashing, before Dean moved in to kiss Luke. Luke fell victim to the salty taste of Dean, before his pushed him away and started to move towards the beach. Dean understood his unspoken meaning, and followed Luke to the beach to dress.



They drove back to the restaurant in Milltown quietly, and when Luke stopped by Dean’s car, Dean hopped out without looking back. Luke paused, searing the road with his stare, shifted gears with an angry jerk and took off down the street. He knew the silence between them was for the best, Dean had to leave without looking back, it’d be the best for Dean, for Lorelai, for Luke, but it still felt wrong.



Luke had left Lane and Caesar in charge of the diner that day, and when he got back he let both of them go home. The dinner crowd consisted of Miss Patty, Babbette, and Morey at one table, and Kirk and Lulu at another. He figured he’d shut down once they left, and spend the night in his new big queen sized bed that he got for Lorelai, that she had never slept in. He knew he had a lot of thinking to do.



It wasn’t that he missed Dean, but he had learned something about himself. He wasn’t sure what he wanted from Lorelai anymore, wasn’t sure what she wanted from him. What they hell had they been doing anyway? Did that count as an open relationship? She was still seeing that prick from Hartford that her dad worked with, and for all she knew, he was still seeing a nameless man. It didn’t feel right anymore, she hadn’t been honest with him about her feelings... although he hadn’t told her about who he was seeing, he’d been honest with his feelings. He’d told her he loved her, and it took her a crisis with Rory to even return the sentiment. Maybe there were subtle hints and signals, but the woman knew words, and he was positive that she knew words counted. She’d never hesitated to put him in his place before.



There was a part of him that always looked at other people’s bodies. He liked a woman with a nice broad ass, he liked to watch a pair of long legs strut around with a short skirt. He could appreciate a sexy body, and sultry smile on a woman, soft hair fanned across a white pillow. He had always noticed men with nice asses and strong arms, he’d pretended like it didn’t matter... He was never attracted to Dean, or to put it better, Dean wasn’t really his type. He was too young, too fair and naive, but Dean brought something out of him that he had been suppressing. Luke wasn’t embarrassed to admit to himself anymore that he liked having another man in his bed, sucking him off, caressing his skin. There was something arousing about a rough calloused hand roughing him up, holding him down. It was like a fight, and he liked fighting, throwing punches, and this really brought out a physical and sexual side that he enjoyed immensely. A physical side he could never take out on a woman.



He realized then that he wasn’t willing to let it go. He let Dean go, but didn’t want to stop being bisexual. He liked the excitement, almost like it was so taboo it was hot. He wanted to go back to Milltown, that little corner of Connecticut that accepted men like him, and maybe he’d meet someone. He planned to lay all the cards on the table with Lorelai, he didn’t want to give her up, but now he craved something physical that she couldn’t give him. An open relationship... the thought of her with another man still made his blood boil and he wondered if it was worth it. Maybe knowing she would come home to him every night would make it worth it?



One thing was certain, they needed to talk.

 

* * *

Wearing a pair of loose yoga pants, a stretched out tank top, no bra and a wrap around sweater, Lorelai huddled in the warmth and comfort of her clothing. She looked at the diner from the park through her glasses. Luke had the twinkly lights on and was wiping down the tables in the empty diner.

When Luke went to slide the dead bolt home, to lock up, he noticed Lorelai standing across the street. He opened the door and waited for her. He had changed out of his outfit from earlier, looked freshly shaved with his standard worn out jeans, thread bare flannel shirt untucked and the backwards blue baseball cap covering his hair. Was his hair shorter?

Lorelai had been arguing with herself since she got home. She decided would tell Luke she saw him with Dean, then would change her mind, not willing to go there. She kept going back and forth, and the internal struggle was tearing her apart.

Slowly she approached the diner, and slid through the door, trying to avoid making physical contact. Her arms were crossed, and her posture showed her insecurity. Luke grabbed her upper arm, forcefully, to stop her from moving out of his reach. Without letting her go, he locked the door pulled her to the back and hit the lights.

“You’ve been crying,” he said to her in the dark, and didn’t make a move to let her go or lead her upstairs.

“I...” she stated, and dropped her head. He put a hand on the top of her head, and pulled her close.

“You miss Rory,” he stated. He had no idea of the internal struggle she went through that day.

If Lorelai were truthful with herself, she’d admit that she hadn’t even thought about Rory since mid day.

“I’m dumping you,” she whispered. She knew it was wrong, did not want to do it, but for the sake of her kid, she would do anything.

Luke pulled back sharply, breaking contact. “What?” he croaked out. Lorelai realized he had turned the lights out for a reason, she could make out his silhouette, but not much else.

She squeezed her eyes tight with an intensity that made her see stars. “I saw you.”

She heard Luke swallow. “Saw me?” he asked quietly.

“With Dean,” she got out before her voice broke into a sob. She covered her mouth and her shoulders shook.

“Shit,” Luke whispered, and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “When?” he asked.

“Today,” she told him. “On the beach.”

She heard Luke’s sharp intake of breath. “What. The. Fuck?” He asked her, louder and angrier than she expected. Wasn’t she the spurned one?

“DEAN, Luke!” Lorelai shouted, suddenly angry.

“That was fucking private!” he hissed, looked around the diner, grabbed her arm, tight, and dragged her up the stairs. “You had no right!” he shouted, once he knew no one could see them.

“You were fucking my daughters boyfriend!” Lorelai shot back, stomping her foot, as they came to a stop in the upstairs hallway.

“You were fucking your dad’s business partner!” Luke shouted back. In the light of the hallway, she could see a vein bulge in his neck.

“Dean was seeing Rory!”

“With half of the Yale campus!” Luke retorted, realized what he had said, and stepped back to lean against the wall. Lorelai’s sudden intake of air made him flinch.

“None of us were faithful, Lorelai,” Luke told her softly, trying to adopt a calming tone, but it ended up sounded strained.

“It’s not the same,” she cried.

“Yes, it fucking is!”

“Luke, Dean is eighteen years old! You could be his father!” Lorelai shouted.

“I didn’t break the fucking law,” he groused back, reaching up to rub his eyes. “You don’t think I thought about that every time something happened?”

“Then why did you do it?” she cried, sliding down the wall to sit, suddenly feeling defeated.

“I fucking liked it!” He shouted. When he saw her flinch, he sighed and scrubbed his hands through his hair. “That was there,” he whispered. “Inside of me, buried, deep, but it was there. He made me realize that I like... I like being with another man.”

“Are you gay?” Lorelai asked, her voice shaky with tears, terrified of what he’d say.

“No, how you can think that?” Luke asked quietly, hadn’t she felt his passion? “But I am bisexual,” he gave her, turning away.

“Ah,” she said, like that explained everything. “I just... I wasn’t sure, with him you were so--I haven’t seen Jason since that day on my porch.”

Luke swallowed and his jaw hardened. “Why didn’t you say anything? I told you I love you. That hasn’t changed.”

He crossed his arms and looking up, Lorelai could see Luke’s knuckles turn white as they bit into his arms.

“I wasn’t sure then, but I know now... Dean gave you something I couldn’t,” she cried, dropping her head to her arms. “I didn’t know it was him, then, but I couldn’t let you stop, I couldn’t take that away from you.”

“I told you--”

“I know! I knew you’d give up, if I told you to, but I didn’t want to be the one that made you do it.”

Luke signed and slumped to the ground, so that he could see Lorelai eye to eye. “I don’t need it to survive,” he explained quietly. “I did enjoy it, a lot, but Lorelai... if I didn’t have you... even as a friend, my world wouldn’t be so bright.”

At that she looked up and lost herself for a moment in the blue of his eyes. “Give me your hat,” she whispered. Without hesitation Luke took it off and placed it in her hands. She hugged it close.

“You cut your hair,” she remarked, it had been a lot longer earlier in the day.

Luke roughed it up a bit. “Yeah, I wanted to put my best foot forward tomorrow when I went to talk to you. I some got new clothes, too.”

“I saw some of them...”

“Right,” he sighed, dropped his head to his bent knees. “It was for you, ya know,” he told the ground. “I didn’t get them for him, but I was going to dump him, thought dressing up would soften the blow.”

“You dumped him?” Lorelai asked, shocked.

“Yeah, he went to live with his Uncle in Maine today. I felt like an ass, but I asked him to leave,” Luke told her. “I told him it would be harder if he didn’t, and I guess that’s true, but I didn’t want to... even though you didn’t know, I didn’t want you to have to see him.”

“It’ll be good for him to get away,” she whispered quietly, thinking of the smart 16-year-old Doose’s bag boy that her daughter had originally fallen for.

“Yeah.”

“Do you miss him?” Lorelai asked, even though she was afraid of the answer.

“No,” Luke told her, looking up to see her eyes. “He was in love with me, it was nice to have that something, but... No, I didn’t love him like that, and I’m glad he’s off doing something good for himself.”

“No feelings at all, Luke?” Lorelai prompted softly.

“Feelings yeah, strong feelings... Breaking it off hurt a lot more than I thought. Lorelai... if I am going to be honest with you, with myself--he wasn’t my type. He whined a lot, he was so young, he--he... he couldn’t make up his mind for shit and he didn’t know how to take control of a situation. It was a nice first time, first guy--boyfriend,” he admitted grudgingly. “He coaxed me out, and I’ll never forget it, but it wasn’t going to last.”

“How did it happen,” Lorelai asked him, so quietly she wasn’t sure if he heard her.

“Night before the wedding--”

Lorelai gasped. Luke sighed.

“Not proud of it, Lorelai...” he admitted, his voice breaking. He hid his face behind his arms.

“Tell me,” she pleaded, her heart starting to pound. She’d never seen him break down like this before.

“He was drunk, his bachelor party...” He said. “Fuck.... he said, he loved Rory.”

Lorelai gasped again, and cringed. She covered her mouth to hide any more involuntary intakes of breath.

“The other guys with him were all wasted, so I got Dean upstairs and put him in Jess’s old bed. The next morning, I forgot he was there, got up, took my clothes off... I had been having a dream,” he coughed. “About a woman, and, well, I was hard. I went to the bathroom and got in the shower. I was about to take care of myself when I remembered Dean was there, so I didn’t.

“When I got out, I went over to the bed with my towel around my waist, to see if he was still there... and he was on top of the covers, his pants and underwear off, jerking off with his eyes closed. I was half mast, and when I saw him... I don’t know, I got a thrill out of it. I was pissed... but I liked it.

“But I said something, Dean’s eyes snapped open... he looked guilty and I realized he had been thinking about me, that he probably saw me naked earlier. He saw my erection, grabbed hold and I let go. We fucked.”

When Luke stopped talking and didn’t say any more, Lorelai looked up. “And that’s why he called off the wedding.”

“Yeah,” Luke said. “I think he was having second thoughts anyway. I was pissed about it all, I told him to never expect that again, to get the fuck out, but he kept coming back. I was so pissed, so angry that I would see red and we’d end up fucking again. I hated myself... it took me a while to accept. I wouldn’t have, I would have just ended it when I told you I was going to, but after you had encouraged me to keep seeing him... I knew I didn’t want to stop.”

“I slept with Christopher when he was still seeing Sherry,” Lorelai told him, her expression going soft. “I’m not perfect, either.”

“What are we gonna do?” Luke asked, unable to break eye contact.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Lorelai whispered in response.

“Thought you dumped me,” Luke replied, sounding slightly aggravated.

“I wanted to... for Rory,” Lorelai told him quietly. “My brain says it’s the right thing to do... but my heart disagrees.”

“I want you, and I was thinking of trying to date other guys...” Luke admitted and looked at his boots. “If it’s too hard for you, I’ll do anything to keep you. I wanted to talk to you about it. See what you thought.”

“I...” Lorelai started, confused with her own feelings. It wasn’t really jealousy she felt. “I know you love me... I doubted that earlier, when I saw how you were with Dean... After everything--you asked him to leave--I know you love me. And it...,” Lorelai looked away. “I liked watching you.”

Luke’s head shot up. “You did?”

Lorelai smiled and her eyes met his. “I wanted to be a part of it, but I really liked seeing you so passionate, seeing you look so--seeing you with someone else. I think it would have stabbed me in the heart if it had been a woman, but since it was a man... I don’t think I have anything to worry about. I know you’ll come to me, when it’s done.”

She looked away and blushed. “I’ve watched men, together, before, online. I liked it.”

Luke laughed and crawled across the floor, opened his arms and enveloped Lorelai in them. “The thought of you watching... although I’m not happy that you saw me with Dean, the thought of you watching makes me crazy.”

Lorelai looked up to see his face. “Crazy good?”

“Crazy fucking good,” responded, his voice deepy, rough and raspy.

* * *

Watching as Luke slept, Lorelai felt a small thrill. After the scene in the hallway, Luke had carried Lorelai into his room and placed her in his bed. She removed her sweater and he stripped down to his boxers. He joked about how it took her too long to get into his new bed, but she just reached her arms up and pulled him to her breast. She thought he probably missed Dean, no matter what he said, because she felt his shoulders shake, his sudden battle for air, as he pressed his face into her chest. She soothed him as best as he could, whispering nonsense, petting his hair and rubbing his back. She knew she should have been tired, but having Luke asleep with his face buried in her chest, on the thin layer of her cotton tank top, his heavy arm draped across her belly, she felt like she just won a great battle, or even a war. She never thought she would be okay with this arrangement, and they would have to make some rules, but she realized she felt a sense of peace she didn’t even know existed.



She loved this man, loved him like mad, and the idea of seeing him so passionate, with her, or with another man, pleased her greatly. She wished she had told him before he fell asleep, but was happy to look forward to the smile he’d give her in the morning when he found out.

 

* * *

“Fuck, you’re hot in this,” Luke whispered in a sleep-roughened voice. Lorelai was still asleep, and he didn’t want to wake wake, but the sight her see-through cotton tank top, her nipples hard, it was almost too much to take. She had taken her bottoms off during the night, and wore a simple white cotton thong that drove him more crazy than any sexy piece of lingerie could. He had woken up hard, with his head nestled between her breasts and he thought it was the best pillow a man could have.

Luke pulled the bottom of the tank up and caressed her skin with his rough callused hand. In response, Lorelai moaned in her sleep, and Luke couldn’t stop his hand as it ventured south. He slipped it under her panties, past the perfectly trimmed tuft of hair and onto the soft, sooth and bare skin of her pussy. She was sopping wet, and when he cupped her, she lifted her hips, locked her thigh together and moaned again in her sleep.



He knew he should wake her, but she was too damn tantalizing. He pulled her legs apart, climbed between them, pulled her thong to the side and places his lips on the smooth skin of her cunny lips. Her skin was velvety soft, and for a while he just moved his lips across them, reveling in the feeling of her hot flesh up against him.



Lorelai placed her hands on his head and said his name sleepily.



“Morning, baby,” Luke said, when she looked down at him. His voice was rough from sleep, and he felt Lorelai shiver at the vibrations between her legs.



“Mmmm,” was all she could say in response.



“Havin’ breakfast,” he said into her cunt before he opened his mouth on her to taste. “Tastes so fucking good. Love it so smooth.”



Lorelai adopted a pleased smile and stretched back like a cat. “I had it done in New Haven, after you bought the bed, thought I’d surprise you.”



Luke didn’t need to say anything verbally. All he had to do was suck Lorelai’s clit into his mouth and flick it with his tongue. He figured she understood how much he liked what she had done. He’d never been with a woman who was so bare and so velvety soft down there, he was more than willing to treat her to a regular spa visit if she wanted to keep it up.



She held onto his head by digging her fingers into his hair, and Luke let out a moan of his own from the hurt in his scalp that felt so good.



“You’re always shaved, and bare,” Lorelai moaned. “I wanted to do the same.”



“You like it shaved, baby?” Luke asked, sending vibrations through Lorelai’s most sensitive parts.



“Ummm, yeah,” she responded breathily. “I love putting your balls in my mouth,” she stated boldly. “It’s so nice when they’re bare.”



Luke chuckled, thinking that the liked it when she put his balls in her mouth, too. He shoved an experimental finger into her, and added two more, before pumping in and out. “I want my cock in here so bad,” he said between strokes.



“Fuck me,” Lorelai begged, pulling at his hair, urging him up. “I was so wet yesterday. Need you, need your cock.”



Luke raised himself onto his forearms and looked Lorelai in the eye. “You were wet when you watched us?” he asked her with a husky timbre to his voice.



“Mmmhmm,” she responded, pulling at his arms. Luke resister her tugging and sat back on his knees, his hard cock jutting out of the hole in his plaid boxers.



He yanked her thong off, down her long legs. “Did you touch your self?”



Lorelai’s eyes widened in response and Luke’s smile widened. “When you got home or when you were watching?”



“Uhh, Luke, come on,” Lorelai urged, sitting up to tug him down to her.



Luke laughed, grabbed her wrists and pulled her up against his chest. “You touched yourself when you were watching,” he concluded. “Was it when I was sucking cock, fucking Dean in the ass or when he was fucking me?”



He got a small thrill out of her reaction, and rubbed his erection against her belly.



“He had his mouth on you,” she whispered, her lips a hairs breadth from Luke’s.



“He took me all the way in,” Luke told her, his voice rough.



“Mmm,” Lorelai replied, licking her lips. “Teach me.”



The corner of Luke’s lips raised and he leaned forward to leave a light kiss on her lips. “You stuck your hand down your pants?”



“Yes,” Lorelai replied, leaning forward to kiss him, but Luke’s head dropped back.



“Did you put your fingers in your pussy?” he asked, desperate to know the details.



“Yes,” she said again with a sly smile. “When you fucked him.”



Luke let out a shaky breath and kissed Lorelai full on the lips. “Like seein’ my cock in another man’s ass?”



“So hot,” Lorelai admitted, opened her mouth to Luke’s assault. She pulled back. “When he spanked you, I had to lay down, I pulled my pants down, my top down.”



Luke growled and kissed her to shut her up.



“Wanted to join you,” she admitted quickly, trying to pull back. Luke just growled again and pushed her to the bed.



“Glad you didn’t, I woulda had to kill Dean if he saw you naked,” he admitted, a harshness in his eyes. “Gonna fuck you now.”



At that, Luke pulled back to remove his boxers and drove into Lorelai, pounding her for all he was worth. Her lusty moans spurred him on. He’d missed this so much, missed being inside her, and thought the same was probably true for her, because neither of them lasted for very long.

* * *

As much as Luke wanted to lounge in bed all day with Lorelai, he had a diner to run. He left her in his bed, completely conked out. She was on her belly and his crisp new top sheet only went midway up her thighs. He wanted to jump in there behind her and caress her skin, she looked so beautiful like that, with her tanned and freckled ass and back completely bare. She also didn’t like being woken up, or do very well with mornings, so he figured it would be best not to tempt fate, and let her sleep in.

He went through his motions in the morning, accepted deliveries, fired up the grill for when Caeser got in, restocked clean dishes and cups. He did a test run on his toaster, he had badly dented it the other day and wanted to make sure it was ready for the 6am Kirk arrival. He sat back and munched on some unbuttered toast, sipped a cup of tea and thought about how he wanted to wake up with Lorelai like that every morning.



At around 10:30am, Lorelai came down in a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and he figured she probably had stashed them some where at his place days ago. If she had come down in that see-through tank top with no bra, he would have lost his ever-loving mind, thrown her over his shoulder like a caveman and dragged her upstairs. So instead, he flirted with her over her coffee and breakfast, and she hung around during the 11am lull.



He was really only paying attention to Lorelai at that point, acting as though he was going to clean the counter, when he really just held a dishcloth in his hand. Kirk was in an opposite corner of the diner, reading the paper, and Luke and Lorelai mostly disregarded him.



“So, Luke,” Lorelai said, smiling.



“Yeah?” Luke grinned, leaning into the counter.



“You like to be spanked,” she whispered, leaning in so her lips grazed his ear.



Luke coughed for a moment, pulled back to make sure Kirk was still concentrating on his paper and put his lips to Lorelai’s ear. “Never done it before... but yes.”



“Max used to paddle me,” Lorelai confessed, her words sounding breathy.



Luke shivered and cleared his throat. “You liked it?”



“Mmm,” she responded, and pulled back to show him her smile.



“I’ll make your ass nice and red,” he whispered, not even caring about modesty. Lorelai blushed and squeeze her thighs together.



“Gah, if I was a bad Innkeeper, I’d drag you upstairs right now,” she told him, returning her tone to normal.



“And you’re a great Innkeeper,” Luke stated as fact, still leaning on the counter and smiling. “Come over for dinner tonight.”



She smiled and leaned in for a kiss. “Can you make those meaty roll up thingies with the stuff inside?” she asked, after Luke obliged her with a peck.



“Roulade?” He asked her, smirking.



Lorelai came around the edge of the counter. “Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.”



Luke pulled her into a hug and as he was letting go, Lorelai whispered in her ear. “Now I know why you always stay behind that counter.” She thrust her hips into his, pointing out his obvious erection. “All that talk of paddles,” she whispered.



Holding on tight, Luke responded. “All you have to do is breath,” he thrusted his hips into her belly. “And this happens.”