Angel's Decree

Monica sat in the back of the ambulance, waiting for someone to come for her. She was holding Caryn’s hand in hers and hoping the tech that lay motionless at her side was all right as well. This had to be a nightmare, and she wondered where Andrew had gone and why. He’d seemed so distracted, and then he was just gone – as if into thin air.

When she heard the sirens, she turned her gaze to the front window, and it was like everything was moving in slow motion. The Techs moved towards her as if under water, and then she was being pulled out of the back of the truck and carried towards another. Caryn’s gurney was secured into that truck.

“W-where’s Andrew?” she asked as hands prodded and checked her.

An EMT spoke to another, and they seemed to ignore her. In the sea of all the chaos, she couldn’t find him anywhere, and it was frightening. Caryn was being whisked away to the hospital, and Monica was sitting there, shivering. In this moment, she wished she had never met Caryn – and then she felt guilty for the thought. Life wasn’t supposed to be easy, but then there were always barriers in the way – or people in the way. Like Eric.

He had caused this, getting Caryn into drugs, fooling her into thinking that was the only way or that it was the right choice to run away from problems rather than face them head on.

“Hey, did you want to ride to the hospital with your friend?” an EMT asked her, and she nodded, climbing into the back of the truck where Caryn was being transported. She held her hand for support, but it was mostly to anchor herself to reality. Otherwise, she felt she might float away.

. . .

At the hospital, Monica stood around, restless. Andrew was nowhere to be found. A co-worker of his had told her he had gone, but he hadn’t known where. In fact, no one knew where he was, and Monica felt dreadful about that. It was like he hadn’t wanted to talk to her or even look at her in the back of that ambulance. Then, he’d just walked off. She didn’t want to leave things tense between them, and she didn’t want him to be out of her life. It was too soon and too abrupt. There were so many things she wanted to say to him.

The doctors had told her there was nothing she could do here. Caryn was stable enough, and due to her medicine, she wouldn’t wake up until later. She’d been resistant to a lot of the meds they were trying on her, but now, she was in a fitful sleep at least. Monica had been told to go home and wait to be notified of any change, but she didn’t want to go home alone. She didn’t have Tess or Andrew. She didn’t even have Caryn right now. For the first time, she felt truly, utterly, alone.

She wandered through the large corridors of the hospital until she came to a wide open wing where the large lonely chapel was, at the end of the hall. She peeked inside, and then she heard someone at a distance behind her, tall and dark, a sly grin on his face.

“Hello, Irish.”

“What are you doing here?” Monica’s voice sounded numb to her own ears.

Eric shrugged. “I came to check on you.”

“I don’t need you to check on me.” Monica said, the warmth from the chapel at her side, inviting her in.

“How are you?” he asked, keeping his distance. “Andrew seemed upset.”

Monica thought about his words then narrowed her eyes at him. “Where is Andrew? You know, don’t you?”

Eric made a face. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s abandoned you…”

“Tell me.” Monica felt her lip tremble.

“I can’t.” Eric stared her down, his amber eyes shifting to dark. “Anyway, would you rather follow after that loser or stay here and keep vigil over your friend? She doesn’t seem stable enough to make it without you, in her current state.”

“It’s your fault.”

“Hey, I didn’t twist her arm.” Eric shrugged. “She wanted to forget herself. Wouldn’t you like to do the same?”

Monica turned to look inside the chapel where Tess stood with Sam. She had her arms outstretched towards Monica even if Monica couldn’t see her. But somehow, Monica could feel the warmth…

“Don’t listen to him, baby.” Tess was whispering. “Come inside and find grace. Ask God for strength.”

Sam stood nearby, waiting. He imagined that Monica would find it on her own, even though this was a very confusing time and she had virtually no one left on earth to help her. If only she could look inside herself and see what needed to be done.

“Irish, I can make you feel good again.” Eric reached towards Monica. “You don’t need Andrew for that.”

Monica shook her head. “I don’t trust you.”

“You never even gave me a chance.” He said, and his eyes seemed whole again, human. “It’s just like Jaime always said. You’re so high and mighty all the time, so superior. You think you’re better. If you’d just give me a chance, you’d see that I’m not all bad.”

Tears sprang to Monica’s eyes at the mention of Jaime. “It wasn’t that way.” She whispered.

Eric looked right into her eyes. “Even Caryn could never live up to your standards. Why do you think it was so hard for her to be your friend? How could she ever be good enough?”

“I never asked anything of her…” Monica’s voice broke.

Eric was nodding. “Yes, you did, Irish. Always making demands, always judging. You wanted her to be something she wasn’t. She’s just a human. Humans make mistakes.”

“And what am I?” Monica’s tears streamed down her cheeks. Realization began to wash over her.

“That’s your decision.” Eric reached for her. “You could do it better than either of those two ever did. You won’t fail at life like they did because you have strength. I could show you a good life.”

Monica wanted to believe him, but she knew in her heart that she couldn’t. She had to trust her own instincts now, now that she was all she had left.

“I’m sorry.” She said in strong voice, backing away from him. “I don’t need you. I never needed you.”

Now his eyes turned hard again, vicious and evil. “Monica, don’t be stupid!” his voice was harsh as he sneered at her. “Don’t make the same mistake twice!”

“I won’t!” she said and turned her back on him, gravitating inside the chapel. Behind her, his face distorted, turning him into a monster as he vanished into thin air. She didn’t need to see the transformation to know what he really was.

At the alter, she fell to her knees and cried, her body wracked with heaving sobs. She felt so alone, but she knew she had one last place to turn.

“F-father in heaven… why have you f-forsaken me?” she wiped her tears and waited. The warmth felt so familiar that it startled her. She opened her eyes expecting to see God standing before her, but there was only the familiar sight of the podium, the open bible, the pews behind her, silent and massive.

“Please, show me the truth. About everything.” She paused. “Please, Father, let me know my purpose, let me be useful and true, honest and good. I w-want to serve you … I want…” she felt herself choking up again. She wanted so many things. She wanted to be a good person, through and through, she wanted to know God’s glory, she wanted to have Andrew beside her. He seemed so far away right now…

Then, she thought of Caryn and she thought of Jaime, of how she had lost her so easily because she wasn’t willing to understand, to listen to her heart, to speak the true word of God. She couldn’t imagine the thought of losing Caryn the same way. It was not an option.

As she stood, an invisible Tess watched her with tears streaming down her face. “You know what you have to do, baby. I know you can do it.”

Monica had a renewed sense of purpose and she walked down the hallway, out of the chapel, into the main hospital corridor. She knew what she had to do even though she wasn’t sure how she would go about it. She only knew that it had to be done. She would find her own way, even if it took all night – or the rest of her life. She wouldn’t let another person suffer because of her own naiveté. She would rather die first.

When she found Caryn’s room, she hesitated outside the door. Somehow she knew that once she crossed the threshold, there was no turning back. It felt like the last thing she would ever do, and she wondered briefly, if it was worth it. Eric’s words came wafting back to her, floating around in her head like a dream. I could show you a good life. Yes, but at what price? What could he show her that she hadn’t already seen? More hardships? More pain? She wanted to be a better human, but what would it prove? People had been trying to do it since the beginning of time. Why would she be any different? No, she knew she had a purpose bigger than that, if only she could see it through.

Her hand turned the knob and she went inside. Caryn lay there, her body so lifeless and empty. Her head was turned to the side, and her eyes moved beneath her lids. She was having a fitful sleep, and the medicine coursing through her veins was doing nothing to soothe the mental anguish.

Monica placed a hand on her cool brown skin, pushed errant dreadlocks off her brow. “Caryn?”

Caryn turned her head a bit to the side and opened her eyes. When she saw Monica standing there, they filled with water, and she shook her head a bit.

“It’s alright, Caryn.” Monica said, “Don’t worry. I’m here now.”

Caryn’s voice was dry as she spoke. “Just leave me, Monica. Like everyone else. I deserve it.”

“You don’t deserve it.”

“I do, Monica. You don’t understand…”

“Shh…” Monica tried to hush her, but it was too late. Caryn was giving up.

“No one stays with me for very long.” She whispered. “Not my parents, not my friends… not even you. And you’re like… an angel or something…”

Caryn paused while Monica dragged a gentle hand across her hair. “I won’t leave you, Caryn.”

“But you will. B-because nobody loves me.”

Monica nodded, felt herself fill up with splendor. “God loves you, Caryn. Even if no one else does. He always did. You just… you didn’t know.”

Caryn’s eyes overflowed with water. “How do you know that, Monica?”

Monica shrugged, her heart bursting with warmth. “I just do. I think… I was supposed to make sure you knew it all along, so you could carry on, hand your burdens and your pain to Him. To God.” She smiled at her and felt herself glowing with God’s grace. Something was happening that was larger than both of them. She could see her own light reflected in Caryn’s eyes, and it didn’t frighten her. It was like she always knew.

Caryn was sobbing, coughing. “Oh God, Monica. You r-really are an angel. I can’t believe it. You’re an angel.”

Monica nodded. She wasn’t human any longer. There was a shimmer throughout her body, and she was an angel again, strong and sure. She spoke with a confidence she didn’t know she had.

“God will help you and keep you, if you only let Him. He loves all of his wee children. That includes you, Caryn.”

She was sobbing. “M-me?”

Monica nodded, her own eyes misty. “Yes. And even if there’s a time when I’m not here with you, He will never leave your side. You only need to call out to Him.”

Caryn nodded, a smile on her face, a hopeful glimmer in her eyes. Maybe, Monica mused, she would be fine now, now that she had found her way back…

As Caryn shut her eyes and spoke to her Father with long awaited words of testimony, Monica felt herself be pulled into a gleaming white world. Heaven.

. . .

She stood on the edge of eternity and looked into its everlasting horizon, waiting. Her memories as a human were quickly fading and being replaced with her real memories, as an angel on the right hand of God, but she held onto her most special moments. She held tight to them, savored them as Tess approached her from a beam a light off into the distance.

Her arms were outstretched as she got within arms length and pulled Monica into her embrace. There were no words needed as she held onto her and rocked her. She had come so close to losing her, but it had all turned out okay in the end. As long as she kept her faith, she knew, deep down, that it would all work out.

“I was so worried about you, baby.” She said, finally, not bothering to wipe away her tears. “I’m so proud of you.”

Monica nodded, her own eyes streaming water. “Tess, I missed you so much. I felt so alone.”

“Well, angel girl, you were never really alone. You know that.”

Monica nodded. “I know.” She looked into Tess’ familiar brown face, so eager to get things back to normal, but needing to also set things straight. “So much happened.”

“Yes, it did. I’m so glad to have you back. Safe and sound.”

“And what about Andrew?” her voice was quiet as she asked it, and Tess scrunched her brow as if trying to recall.

“Andrew? He’s around, baby. Probably working. He was so eager to get back to work. You know Andrew. He’s a trooper.”

Monica nodded. She was anxious to talk to him. “We… we spent a lot of time together, Andrew and I. Down there… on Earth…”

Tess nodded, her smile motherly. “Oh, he’ll be around. He’s probably just excited to get back into the swing of things.”

Monica nodded. “Of course.” But really, she was hoping she could see him soon. She didn’t know if they should talk about what went on between them on Earth, and she was eager to discuss it before the memories faded away completely. She wondered if he still thought about it or if he’d forgotten already. “Tess, when will I have a new assignment?”

“Well, first you need time to talk to the angel’s angel and then get yourself back into angel mode, baby. It’s a bumpy transition jumping from angel to human and back again. I don’t even feel all the way right yet, but then…” Tess shrugged. “… I never felt quite right in human skin. It’s itchy.”

Monica smiled. She was glad for the time. She could spend it trying to find Andrew. Even if he didn’t recall their time together, even if he didn’t remember the sweet things he had said to her or done with her, then at least she could see him and chat with him like old times – before they were loves. The thought of it sent a tell tale shiver up her spine, and she wished she wouldn’t have felt it because first of all, an angel wasn’t supposed to experience such things – and secondly, now she knew she would never forget their time together; it was imprinted on her soul forever…