Shattered Illusions

Chapter 12.

Looking back now at the events that unfolded after my parents had their talk with me, I can see why my parents made the decisions they made and why they were so worried about Luke and his influence on me. Hindsight is always 20/20.
Suddenly Luke’s nightly visits were becoming less frequent. When he wasn’t with me, he was out with his friends, one friend in particular, that I didn’t like. His name was Tommy Sheppard and he was a troublemaker. He was wild, drank a lot and did a lot of drugs. It wasn’t long before I noticed Luke was drinking heavily too.
When my birthday came around in May I had a small party. Luke and Tommy showed up late, drunk and Luke claimed he forgot my present. I was furious with him and hurt. After the party, Luke and I argued on the porch.
“How could you show up so late and drunk, with him?” I said, near tears.
“Oh come on, Jules.” Luke slurred. “We shot some pool and had a few drinks and lost track of time. I showed up, didn’t I?”
“But did you have to bring him with you?” I said.
“Yeah, he’s my friend. I don’t know why you don’t like him. You’ve been a real bitch to him and I don’t appreciate it.” Luke was swaying and on the verge of falling off the porch.
“I don’t like him because he’s always been nothing but trouble. He’s not someone you should be friends with.” I almost shouted.
“Oh so now you are going to tell me who I can be friends with? I can be friends with whoever I want!” He yelled at me.
“No Luke, it’s not that. I just don’t like how you’ve been acting since you’ve been hanging around him. You’re drinking way too much.....”
Luke cut me off. “You just can’t stand it that i’m having fun without you. Hey, it was your parents that decided that we can’t see each other during the week. What do you want me to do? Sit around and do nothing? Fuck that.”
“Luke, you know that’s not what I mean!” I was in tears now.
“Don’t start crying to make me feel guilty for going out and having a good time.” He stepped off the porch and started heading home. “I don’t need this shit.”
“Luke!” I shouted to him through my tears but he just kept walking.

The next day I was perched at the top of the stairs, my usual eavesdropping spot, listening to mom and Ceilia talk about Luke.
“It’s like the minute his anger management classes were over he just reverted back.” Ceilia was saying. “Sheila, I’m sure he’s come home drunk a few times. I swear he was drunk last night.”
“Well, he and Julianna had a fight last night after the party, about Luke showing up late with that Tommy Sheppard guy. I think Luke
was drunk too but I'm sure he was avoiding me and Richard.”
“Tommy Sheppard. That boy is bad news. He’s shown up at the house a few times and i’m sure he was stoned. He and Luke leave the minute Tommy gets there then Luke doesn’t come home until Danny and I are in bed. I’m not sure what to do. I think he needs to go back to those anger management classes and get away from Tommy Sheppard. I don’t want to push him too hard because I know that won’t work but we’ve got to figure something out. He’s going to be 18 this year and says he’s leaving for New York.” Ceilia replied.
“I just hope Julianna doesn’t get any crazy ideas in her head like running away with him.” I heard my mom say.
“Ceilia, their closeness scares me. They are too young to be this serious.” mom said.
Ceilia lowered her voice a little and said, “Do you think they’re having sex?”
“Yeah, I think so. I’ve seen they way they are around each other. I mean, they are teenagers in love. I just don’t want to even think that they are having sex but.....” Mom sighed. “I’ve seen they way they are all over each other.”
“Yeah, I really miss that!” Ceilia laughed.
I heard my mom start to reply and I was afraid she was going to start talking about hers and dad’s sex life so I went back to my room. I was mortified at the thought of my parents catching Luke and I having sex.

Luke climbed in my room around 1 a. m completely drunk. I couldn’t believe he made it up the ladder.
“Luke!” I said, “You’re going to break your neck climbing up that ladder drunk!”
“Aw come on” he slurred, practically falling in my window. “Don’t be mad. I just wanted to see you and tell you how sorry I am for last night.”
He pulled my face close to his and his breath smelled of whiskey. I pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Ugh, you smell like whiskey. I hate that smell.”
“Stop it, don’t be a bitch. I came here to tell you how sorry I am for showing up late to your birthday party and to give you this present.” he pulled a small box out of his pocket. He handed it to me and kissed me.
I pushed him away again. “Don’t Luke, I mean it. How much have you had to drink.”
“Don’t fucking push me away!” He growled. “I love you.” He grabbed me around my waist and cupped my breast, kissing me on the cheek. I pushed him away again and said, “You can’t come over here after you treated me like shit, all drunk and apologetic and expect me to kiss you!”
Luke grabbed my arm and pulled me hard. “Why are you being such a bitch?”
”I’m not, Luke, I’m just trying to tell you.....” He cut me off by picking me up and throwing me on the bed. The box fell on the floor.
“Luke, stop it!” I said, trying not to yell and wake my parents.
He straddled me, pinning my arms down and kissed me hard on the mouth. I wiggled away from him and said, “Luke, don’t do this!”
He stared at me for a moment, as if he snapped out of a trance.
“Fuck you!” he said and slapped me hard on the face. He got up and climbed out the window, leaving me on the bed, crying.
I picked up the box that had fallen on the floor and opened it. It was a necklace with a gold “J”.

I didn’t see him until Monday at school and I walked away from him whenever he came near me. I wouldn’t talk to him during our 4th period class but he wouldn’t let me avoid him at lunch.
I was sitting under the oak tree when he came up to me and gathered me in his arms. “Oh God, Jules. I'm so sorry.” He was in tears and smothering my face with kisses. I didn’t say anything.
“Jules, I love you so much. I don’t know what to say except i’m sorry. I’ll never hit you again. I promise.” He was pleading with me. “Don’t leave me. I swear to God, I’ll never hurt you again.”
I looked deep into Luke’s eyes and broke down.
“Luke, I don’t think I could ever leave you but please don’t drink anymore. It makes you mean. You turn into a different person. Someone I don’t like.” I begged him. He continued to kiss me and promised not to drink again. His promise lasted three months.