Golem

In spite of their agreement that they were in fact involved in a relationship, Brian and Julian kept things simple, making neither promises nor demands But both men wanted more. Julian longed for a committed long-term relationship, and Brian missed having someone to come home to. Neither was willing to be the one to broach the topic, however, so they continued on as they had begun.

It was on the anniversary of Justin's death that Brian realized that he and Julian had been dancing around the relationship issue for nearly six months. In the year since Julian had come into his life, the pain of losing Justin had finally dulled and the guilt he felt over his part in Justin's bashing had begun to fade. As much as the thought scared him, he knew it was largely due to his growing feelings for Julian.

He was pretty sure he was in love. And this time, he really didn't want to fuck things up.

The majority of Brian's friends had come to accept Julian. Even Deb had warmed to him again after a while. When Michael finally moved on with his life, she warmed to Brian again as well. As for Michael, he hadn't spoken so much as one word to Brian since the night he moved out of the loft.

A knock at his office door pulled Brian out of his musings, and he looked up to find Julian smiling almost shyly back at him. Julian didn't often drop by without calling first, but Brian had been expecting him. He knew Julian would want to check in on him at least once today to be certain that he was all right.

"You don't seem surprised to see me," Julian said with a slightly uncertain smile as he shut the door behind him and moved toward Brian's desk.

"Should I be?" Brian asked, pushing his chair back from the desk. He reached out and wrapped his hand around Julian's wrist, tugging the other man to him.

Laughing, Julian let himself be pulled around the desk and into Brian's lap. He kissed the other man's temple and then rested his head against Brian's. "I was hoping you'd have lunch with me."

"I can't. I'm working through so I can leave early."

"Oh," Julian said, trying not to sound disappointed. "I guess I should let you get back to work."

Brian gently gathered Julian's hair out of the way and rubbed the back of his neck. Julian relaxed a little under Brian's touch and sighed softly.

"I have some things I need to do this afternoon, but we can go to that Italian place you like for dinner. If you don't have other plans, that is," Brian offered.

"I'd like that. Pick me up around 7:00?"

Brian agreed, and Julian gave him a quick kiss before climbing to his feet.

"I'll let you get back to work," Julian said with a smile. He seemed less hesitant now, but something was still off.

After Julian left, Brian had trouble concentrating on his job. His mind kept turning back to Julian's uncertainty and the tenseness he had sensed in the other man. Something was going on in Julian's head, and Brian wasn't sure that it was anything good.

He made up his mind: if Julian didn't drop something cataclysmic on him, then he was going to put an end to their dalliance. It was time to move on to bigger and better things.

*

In the car on the way to dinner, Julian fidgeted nervously. It took every ounce of willpower Brian possessed to keep from snapping at the other man, but he somehow managed to reign in his temper.

At the restaurant, Julian continued to fidget. He was fairly vibrating with nervous energy and drummed his fingers on the tabletop as he perused the menu.

Brian's nerves had taken all they could and his control gave way. He brought his hand down on Julian's to still it, using a little more force than he actually intended.

"Sorry," he murmured, and Julian gave him a small smile that said 'apology accepted.' "Why don't you tell me what's had you on edge all day. If we get it out of the way now, maybe we can both actually relax and enjoy dinner."

Julian bit his lip and twined his fingers with Brian's. Just as he was about to speak, the server appeared to take their orders. Brian wanted to tell the guy to fuck off, but held his temper - again - as they both placed their orders.

"It's finally happened," Julian said when they were alone again. A radiant smile slowly spread across his face. "I'm going to be a dad."

When Brian could breathe again, he managed to choke out a "What?"

"The agency is finally going to place a child with me. A little boy." Julian couldn't stop smiling.

Brian forced an answering smile. "That's...that's great," he said unconvincingly.

Julian's face fell. "You don't sound too happy about it."

"I'm just surprised," Brian lied. "That's not what I was expecting." He forced another smile, this one somewhat more believable than the last. "I know how much this means to you. Congratulations."

Again, Julian beamed. "Thank you. I'm so excited about this I can hardly keep still." He laughed. "But I guess you noticed that. We're going to spend tomorrow getting settled in, but I thought maybe we could have dinner with Gus and his moms on Friday so Noan men meet everyone. My sister's boyfriend was telling me about this new Japanese restaurant. I thought we could check it out."

This was not the way Brian had envisioned the evening going. The announcement of Noah's arrival was the very last thing he had been expecting to hear from Julian. It completely destroyed his carefully constructed plan to convince Julian that the time had come for them to move in together. A full-time boyfriend was one thing, but a full-time kid - that was something else.

*

The get-to-know-you dinner took place on Friday as Julian had suggested, though they gathered at Julian and Nicky's house rather than a restaurant.

Noah was an adorable little boy with wide, innocent blue eyes and a mass of dark-blond curls. He seemed quite shy, clinging to Julian and often hiding behind him, but hd Gud Gus became friends right away. There were only a few years difference in their ages - Gus being five now and Noah being eight - and as often is the case with very young children, they seemed not to notice the gap at all, but played happily together in Noah's room until dinnertime.

After dinner, Julian settled the boys in front of the TV with Shrek while the adults chatted amongst themselves nearby. Nicky's boyfriend, Paul, spent most of the evening trying to engage Brian in conversation about advertising - apparently wanting some free advice for his business. By the time that Mel and Linds said they needed to get their boy home to his bed, Brian was more than a little relieved that he had an excuse to get away from the man.

He carried his drowsy son out to Mel's car and strapped him in, giving him a hug and a kiss on the forehead, and when he slipped back into the house he was happy to find that Paul and Nicky had both disappeared. Julian was right where he left him, sitting on the sofa, but he now had Noah snuggled up on his lap.

It amazed Brian how ly Jly Julian had slipped into the role of father to this boy. He had known Julian loved kids, and he was great with Gus, but seeing him there with Noah.... He was certain that he knew now how he looked when he held Gus on his lap that way: happy and peaceful and totally enchanted.

"I should probably go, too," Brian said quietly from the doorway.

"I was hoping you'd stay," Julian replied.

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"I think its fine," Julian assured him. "Go on up and get ready for bed," he told Noah in a soft voice. He kissed the boy's cheek before helping him stand.

Noah glanced at Julian and then at Brian before silently padding out of the room to do as he was told.

"Is he always so quiet?" Brian asked. Gus was so talkative and full of energy that Noah seemed almost ghostlike in comparison.

"He was like this his first day here, but once he got used to me and Nicky, he started acting like a normal kid. I'm sure it's just because there were so many unfamiliar people around. Besides, he was fine when he was playing with Gus earlier," Julian reasoned.

"Are you sure I should stay?"

"Brian, it's fine," Julian said again as he stood and moved into the circle of his lover's arms. "He needs to get used to you being around."

*

Brian went upstairs with Julian when he went to tuck Noah into bed. He tousled the boy's curls and bid him goodnight, earning a toothy smile from the little boy.

"Good night, Brian," Noah all but whispered. He hesitated a moment and then stepped forward to hug Brian around the middle. Brian returned the awkward embrace before excusing himself to Julian's bedroom.

Julian came to bed a short time later, and from that point things progressed as they always had: the two men fell asleep in one another's arms after a round of intense fucking. Brian was glad for the solid proof that the presence of a new little man in Julian's life hadn't thrown everything off kilter.