One Night Changes Everything

Monk twitched again. Not being able to stop himself as he stared at Natalie, feeling so uncomfortable – more uncomfortable than he had ever felt in his life….which was saying something.

Natalie tried to maintain eye contact with him, fearing that if she looked away she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes ever again. It was hard to look at him and not remember his lips on hers.

Bracing her self she let out a huge sigh and swallowed, looking down for one second, she looked back up and found the courage to speak.

“Mr. Monk we need to talk about this…”

Monk swallowed and nodded his head a couple of times. Looking away from her tried to figure out what to say or how to say it. Natalie was doing the same thing, trying to find the right words – and at the moment not finding one word to truly start, start on how to explain how she really felt about what happened.

But Adrian Monk spoke first, and after what he said, she was glad she hadn’t spoken first – and embarrassed herself.

“It was a mistake. But! We’re both adults…” Monk said as he kept his eyes to the ground, because he could feel her eyes on her, and really he didn’t think he would be able to speak.

“……and we can move past it…”

Natalie felt like he had hit her. On the outside she didn’t show any signs of how much the words hurt but……she had to take her cue from him. After all…Natalie had forced herself onto him – and the next words shocked her.

“I mean…” Monk began again, “we’re both….to blame,” elongating the word blame for emphasis, still not looking at her.

“No… oh no Mr. Monk! I…..I forced myself onto you. I did this! I just…I….” Natalie covered her face as she felt herself near tears again, “I’m so ashamed Mr. Monk. I’m soo sorry…”

It didn’t take long for Monk’s ego to step in after Natalie’s words. For some reason the IDEA of Natalie forcing him into having sex with her was just….well…it was just absurd.

“No! Natalie!” Emphasizing the first part of her name, like he always did when he was trying to make a point, “You…you didn’t force me (shaking his head in that slow Adrian Monk way)…I made…an adult decision…and…my decision to….(trying to find the word…he knew the word…it wasn’t dirty) have sex with you……it was my decision…you didn’t force me.” Again shaking his head to show that it wasn’t true.

The word ‘sex’ coming out of his mouth kind of jolted Natalie, having used the word herself to describe what had happened, however had immediately known that it hadn’t been just sex to her.

It had been more.

Natalie felt the tears trying to break free and now looked away from Monk for a second.

She had to pull herself together.

“You’re ah…(her voice wavering some) your right…we both made a mistake…and…”

“It was consensual…” Monk chimed in, his worry of hurting her making him fear that he had…that he had forced her.

“Yeah…and ah…and we should pretend it never even happened!” Natalie said with a serious face, both of their eyes meeting. Hoping that he couldn’t see the pain in her eyes as she said it. What she didn’t expect was how his eyes had lit up at the words.

“Right! It never happened! (Saying the words with happiness and a small smile) It never happened!”

He hadn’t thought of it, they could really pretend it never happened. It made sense. If they pretended it never happened they could still work together…she didn’t have to leave him. There would be no need because it NEVER happened.

Natalie held back the tears, not realizing ever, how this could have hurt her. How much it would hurt to know that he felt this way. So she closed her eyes and let out a sigh, sniffling slightly.

“We can still be friends…and you can get a new assistant…” Natalie began but was cut off immediately.

“New assistant…wha..why?” Monk asked, panicking. “We just established that it never happened……and if nothing ever happened…”

Natalie shook her head no for the first time.

“Mr. Monk…I don’t think I can...”

“You don’t have to quit us!” Monk threw in, and it made her look into his eyes as the words hit her.

As she looked into his brown soft eyes she stared into them.

Shit!!

Having her own words thrown back at her…those words…at this moment…she realized how the word ‘us’ was something totally different for her now.

Why did I have to say that?!

Looking into his eyes she could see the panic in them. She knew that he needed her. Knowing that he really didn’t know how to make it by himself, she knew that he feared losing her as an assistant more than anything.

How can I work for him after last night?! What if I can’t pretend it never happened?!

But the way that he was looking at her, the pleading in his eyes, she knew she couldn’t quit.

Closing her eyes she swallowed the lump in her throat, as Monk waited anxiously for her to say something.

“Ok…” She said quietly, “Ok…(nodding her head) I’ll stay.”

Monk felt relieved. Letting out a sigh he actually smiled a bit.

“Thank God!” He said and the smile on his face caused Natalie to smirk. She loved his smile…not seeing it often enough made her appreciate it even more, even under these circumstances.

Pulling back from her own emotions she finally smiled a real smile at him. Thankful that he at least wasn’t shutting her out of his life completely, Natalie tried to see that as the bright side of everything.

What am I thinking anyway?! It’s Mr. Monk!! It was just a stupid mistake! Just a mistake…

It’s what she kept repeating over and over in her mind, hoping that she would actually believe it. Yet as she saw Monk’s content little smile, she knew she had to forget about what happened…or she would lose him completely. Somehow…being just friends…would have to be enough.