Starting Over Again

Chapter 10 – Hurting

 

Sophie dejectedly traipsed toward the entrance of Terminal 1 of Manchester Airport through the pouring rain, she needed to go somewhere where at least she would find comfort and to go back to the vineyard seemed like the most sensible thing to do.  She’d already called her brother and he had told her that there was a flight leaving at 2 pm so if she rushed she’d be able to make check in otherwise she would have to wait 24 hours for the next one and that was something she really didn’t want to contemplate.

 

She rushed toward the desk, “can I get on the flight to Nice today?”

 

“Yes madam,” said the clerk, “but you’ll have to rush.  Can I have your passport, please?”  Sophie handed it over with her credit card.  “Any bags to check?”

 

“No, nothing.  Just me.”

 

The clerk handed her her ticket along with her card and documents.  “Thank you, Mrs Mackintosh.  Have a good flight.”

 

“Thanks,” she rushed off in the general direction of passport control.  Something niggled at her as she quickly made her way across the concourse, was someone calling her name?  She didn’t have time to look.  She handed her boarding card and passport over to the operative and put her bag and shoes through the x-ray, walking under the metal detector and retrieving her stuff.  She made her way to the gate.

 

“This is the final call for Sophie Mackintosh and James Mackintosh for flight LS456.”  A member of the crew called over the tannoy.

 

‘Jesus, Mack’s following me,’ she thought as she arrived at the gate.  “Sophie Mackintosh.”  She presented her boarding card.

 

“Thank you, Mrs Mackintosh, you’re just in time.”  Said the steward as he handed her portion back to her and guided her into the walkway that led to the plane.  The door was firmly locked behind her and she let out the breath she was holding.  The cabin crew ushered her on and into her seat, keeping a watchful eye on the door to make sure she wasn’t followed on.  No-one arrived and soon the cabin was secured whilst the final flight checks were completed.  The plane was pushed back and taxied out onto the runway, she collapsed, her head aching and her body still wet from the earlier drenching of rain it had received.  She wept silently, staring out of the window at the passing landscape as the plane took off, her heart breaking from the scene she’d witnessed between Mack and his solicitor.  At least she’d soon be with people that loved her.

 

 

.oOo.

 

 

Peter drew the car up in front of Terminal 1, letting Mack out.  “She’s still not answering her phone.”

 

“Look, Mack.  Go and see if you can get onto that plane, I’ll be waiting in the car park, give me a ring and let me know what’s going on.  Ok?”

 

“Yeah, thanks mate.”

 

“My pleasure, now get.”

 

Mack rushed into the airport through the electronic doors as they hissed open.  Thinking he’d seen his wife rushing off toward passport control he called out for her, but she never stopped and didn’t turn around.  ‘Perhaps it wasn’t her,’ he thought.  He got to the ticket desk, “ticket to Nice, please.”  He handed over his passport and credit card.

 

“I can get you on but whether you make it or not …”  She looked up to his worried face, from the look she was giving him then Sophie was already on the flight, almost certainly the last ticket sold, “Mr Mackintosh, is quite another matter.”

 

“Will I get reimbursed or can I change flights if I’m late?”

 

“Yes, of course but they’ll probably be an administration charge.”

 

“Fine, whatever,” he said gruffly.  “Can you seat me next to my wife?”

 

“Yes, sir.  There we are, all done.  Hope you make it.”

 

“So do I,” he said, taking the ticket and personal items before setting off in a run toward passport control.  He was soon through, picking up his shoes and sprinting toward the gate in stockinged feet.  He heard their names being called over the public address and struck his legs down faster, trying to make up ground.  He got to the gate, offering up his boarding card.

 

The steward was already shaking his head, “sorry sir, the flight is closed.”

 

“But my wife’s on that flight, I need to get on that plane,” he walked toward the door, his hands stretched out in order to open the lock.

 

The steward stood between Mack and the door.  “You can’t sir, look,” he pointed out of the window, “the plane is being backed up.”

 

His face fell; he stumbled back to the seats and sat down.  His head nestled into his hands as he dropped his shoes to the floor.  “I’ve lost her,” he screeched out, tears threatening to fall.

 

“Sir, I’ve got to close this gate down.”  The steward said calmly, hoping that Mack would take the hint.

 

He looked up to the steward, stricken.  “Yeah, ok mate, sorry.  I’ll just put my shoes back on, if you don’t mind.”

 

The steward shook his head and watched the broken man amble from the room.  Mack began the walk back up to passport control and phoned Peter.  “I missed the flight; I’m coming out in a bit.”

 

“Right, see if you can change onto the 3 o’clock flight from Heathrow.  “I’ll be right with you.”  Mack did as he was bid, paid the extra money and walked from the terminal.  He looked around for Peter and once he spotted him he made his way over to Peter’s car and got in.

 

“So, how am I going to get on this flight that leaves in …” he looked at his watch, “40 minutes?”

 

“I’m going to fly you,” Peter replied, as he sped his car off toward the private area of the airport, “my plane is being readied as we speak.  Once we get to the other end I have got someone to pick you up and get you on that flight, whatever it takes.”

 

“Thanks, Peter.  How am I ever going to repay you?”

 

“By selling me your children’s souls and paying your bills on time.”

 

“You’re on,” Mack grinned, Peter’s mood helping to lighten his own.  He felt like this was another chance for him to get Sophie back.  “When does my plane arrive?”

 

“About 5 minutes before Sophie’s, so with some good luck …”

 

“I’ll be able to meet her off her plane.”

 

As good as his word, Peter and his driver friend managed to get Mack onto the Nice flight from Heathrow, he spent two hours on the plane wondering what to say, he realised that to simply tell her he loved her and that he was sorry wasn’t going to cut it, not now anyway.  He would have to explain himself, he would have to ask her what had made her come to see him and he would have to go through some of the hurt that he had already seen her consume.  It wasn’t going to be easy; he only hoped that he could win her back.

 

As soon as the door of the cabin was opened he was up out of his seat and making his way up into Nice airport, knowing that every moment was precious and a moment wasted was another moment nearer to losing her.  He found a screen showing the arrivals looking for the gate number for Sophie’s flight but it was a way off from his own, he realised he wasn’t going to get to it before she had alighted her transport and was probably out of the building.  He ran toward the exit, slowing as he went through passport control not wishing to raise suspicion before running again for the door.

 

He scanned the crowd around him, was that Steven and Jenni?  He wasn’t sure and made his way toward them.  He found it wasn’t, searching again.  He spotted her; he crushed through the throng attempting to get to her but was being kept back and as he got to where she had once been he noticed her getting into Steven’s car.  He ran for it, hoping he’d get there but missed her by a nanosecond.  He looked up, “can you please give me a break,” he shouted out, gaining horrified looks from those around him.

 

He walked back into the terminal and went over to the nearest car hire booth, booking a car and, after being told where he could collect it from, went on his way to Tavernes, eventually finding his way to the vineyard.

 

 

.oOo.

 

 

Sophie kept quiet, she’d hugged her brother as soon as she’d arrived, said her hellos and then stayed silent.  She stared out of the passenger window, aimlessly watching the scenery go by at its high speed pace.  She heard her brother ask her questions but she ignored them, much to his frustration but he realised that this was Sophie’s way of dealing with things; she would speak to him, to them, when she was ready to.

 

Steve ushered her into the farmhouse as soon as they’d arrived but she made her excuses and quickly left the family to confine herself within her room.  She remembered her last moments there, the love making and happiness that had gone on in both her bed and bathrooms.  She lay on the bed staring up into the darkness, silent tears flowing down her cheeks, unbeknown to her that Mack wasn’t going to let her go that easily.

 

 

.oOo.

 

 

Mack pulled the car up into the driveway and parked it outside the farmhouse.  He was tired and petulant and all he really wanted was a bed but he had to do this, had to make her understand.  He dragged himself out of the car and began to walk up toward the house, only to be met by Steve and Jenni.  “What have you done to her, Mack?”  Steven glowered.

 

“Where is she?  Is she in her room?”

 

“Mack, what did you do?”  Steve was bearing down on him, anger beginning to take over.

 

“I was stupid and rash, but I’d waited, for so long.  I wanted a reaction and I thought the only way I could get one was to petition her for divorce.”

 

“Divorce?”

 

“Where is she?”

 

Steve grabbed out at him and pushed Mack back against the car.  “What about this divorce?”  Jenni clambered in front of Steve, making sure that he didn’t hit Mack.

 

“I needed to know what she felt for me, I thought if I petitioned her it would finally get her to come and see me.  I just didn’t know she was actually already there waiting to see me when I was showing my solicitor out.”

 

“Then what?”

 

“She ran, I tried to catch her to talk to her, but every time I got close, I swear something got in the way.  Steven, I promise you, I just wanted to provoke a reaction, I didn’t mean to hurt her like this.”  His face crumpled, “I just wanted to hold her again and tell her how much I loved her …”  An unchecked tear fell, “I just want the opportunity to tell her what was going on.  I love her, Steve.  I missed her, that bloody gallery reeled her in so tight that no-one could get to her, including me.  I was frustrated, I wanted my wife back.”

 

Steve softened, “she’s in her room, Mack.  Go and talk to her, I can’t promise that she’ll forgive you that easily but you need to try and my sister can be very stubborn at times.”

 

“Yeah, that’s how this situation came about in the first place.”  He looked up toward the barn steps, “thanks, Steve, for understanding.  I never meant to hurt her.”

 

“I know.  Go.”  He ushered.

 

Mack took the steps two at a time, Steve and Jenni following and stopping at the top as Mack walked the length of the corridor and knocked on the door.  “Sophie?  Sophie, its Mack?”

 

“Go away.”  She called, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

 

“Sophie, please.  You have to let me explain.”

 

“No, go away.  Just get the papers sent here, I’ll sign them and send them back directly.”

 

“Sophie, that was a mistake.  You were never meant to see that.”

 

“But I did, Mack.  If you didn’t love me anymore than all you had to do was tell me.”

 

“That’s the point, I couldn’t get near, no-one could.”  He was getting exasperated.  “Please, Sophie, talk to me.  Open the door for me.”

 

“No.  I don’t want to talk to you, go away.”

 

“Ok, ok.  Look, I’m going to go back to Villefranche-sur-mer, the yachts still berthed there.  I’ll stay until Saturday.  I’ll go back to Manchester on Sunday.  If you want to come and see me then you know where I am.  Sophie?”

 

“What?”

 

“I love you.  I’ll see you.”  He stood still for a few more moments.  He sighed, recognizing she wasn’t going to open the door.  He looked up the corridor toward her brother and his wife, walking towards them.  “I’d really thought I’d cracked it this time,” he said, shaking his head, as he reached the couple.

 

“Sorry, Mack,” Jenni soothed, “I’m sure she’ll come round.”

 

“Yeah,” Steve continued, “just give her some time.”

 

“I have to go back on Sunday, Steve.  Have to get back for a meeting on Monday.  I can’t wait long.”  He half smiled, walking between them and down to the car.  Steve and Jenni followed, watching the fallen man get back into his car and drive away.

 

“He knows he was stupid and he realises what he’s done, don’t you think?”  Jenni asked her husband.

 

Steve put his arm around his wife, laying a kiss on top of her head, “yeah, I just hope Sophie realises what she might lose if she doesn’t go and speak to him before he has to go home.  Come on; let’s get back in the house.”

 

 

.oOo.

 

 

Sophie spent most of the weekend in turmoil, Mack’s words continually tumbling through her head, firstly deciding that she should go and see him reasoning that she was partly to blame anyway, before turning her attention back to the mere mention of divorce and allowing her lack of confidence to keep her from going to him.  Early Sunday morning she stomped up to the farmhouse and sat down to breakfast with the family.  “I’m going to see Mack, can you drive me?”  She stated.

 

Jenni was overjoyed, but Steven was wary.  “Sophie, he’ll be gone.”

 

“Not this early he won’t.”

 

“He said he had to go home today for an important meeting tomorrow.  He’s going to want to get home to be able to prepare for it.”

 

“But there won’t be any flights this early, surely?”

 

“They start from 6 o’clock in the morning, Sophie.”

 

She looked worried, “would one of you still take me, please?”

 

“I will, if your brother won’t.”

 

“No, you stay with the girls, Jen.  I’ll take her.”  ‘And have a word with her at the same time,’ he thought.  “Are you ready?”

 

“I’ve just got that bag I want to take with me, I’m ready.”

 

Steve drove as quickly as he could to get Sophie to the boat, as soon as he had parked in the small car park by the harbour; she was out and running down the jetty to the boat, “Mack?”  She called, “Mack, I’m here to talk, are you around?”  She tried opening up the hatchway but it was locked.  “That’s odd,” she whispered to herself, Mack never locked the hatch.

 

“Madame?”  The harbourmaster and Steven were both stood on the jetty.  “Monsieur Mackintosh est allé.  Il a mis le bateau vers le haut en vente.”

 

Sophie sat down, trying to catch her breath.  She looked up to the greying man with the white moustache.  “Est toujours il ici?”

 

“Non, Madame.  Il a laissé tôt ce matin.”  He replied.

 

“Steven, you were right.  Mack left this morning and he’s put the boat up for sale,” she wailed.

 

Steven thanked the man and sat down with his sister, “what do you want to do now?”

 

“I don’t know,” she managed through her tears.

 

“Sophie, tell me something.  Why did you want to speak to Mack this morning?  I mean, why wait this long?”

 

“Because I didn’t know what his motives where, I kept trying to decide whether he was being honest with me or whether this was just some sick game.”

 

“Why would it be a sick game?  Do you really think he’d move heaven and earth to get to you on Thursday if it was all a game?  I’ve told you before that that man has nothing but respect and love for you and, although what you saw was unfortunate and I wasn’t best pleased with him at first, he never meant to hurt you, he just wanted you back.  He missed you, we all did.”

 

She nodded, “I knew it would partly be my fault, deep down.  I was away from him for so long, the gallery personnel never passed on complete messages, I just didn’t think he cared and when I realised I had to do something to take control of my life and get my husband back, well when I heard what he said about divorce I thought that it was all over.  That he didn’t want me anymore.  Mind you, he probably doesn’t now anyway, with the boat up for sale and him leaving.”

 

“He’s only done what he said he would.  He’s probably under the same impression as you.”  Steven’s arm went around her shoulder and he pulled her to him, “hey, you’ll sort this, I know you will.  Now do you want to go by your studio first?”

 

“First?”

 

“Yeah, before I drop you off at the airport.  I don’t care what you say, you’re going home.”

 

“Home, I don’t know where that is anymore.”

 

“Yes you do.  It’s where Mack is.”

 

She smiled up at him.  “Ok, let’s go.”  He dropped her by the studio and she looked in.  “Oh god, I suppose I should’ve known really.”

 

“What?”  Steven questioned as they walked through the door, he bent down and picked up an envelope, handing it to her.

 

“My stuff,” she stated.  She turned the envelope over in her hand, her name clearly written on the front in Mack’s handwriting.  “It’s from Mack.”  She opened it up and pulled out the letter, leaving the door key in it.  She began to read.

 

My dearest Sophie,

 

This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write in my life.  Even sacking people was easier than what I’ve had to do here; I just hope you understand why.  I love you very much but as you continue to keep away from me it has become clear that my actions have been grave and that I have not been able to earn your forgiveness.  As I’ve said, I only wanted to provoke a reaction, it’s just a shame that it provoked the wrong one and I am saddened by the fact that I will never have your heart again.

 

I truly believed that we were meant for each other but I was obviously wrong, and for that I am sorry.  I told you once that I took marriage very seriously and through my own stupidity I have killed the most wonderful and fulfilling relationship I have ever been lucky enough to have been involved in.  Please understand me; I do not blame any of this on you, your own naivety made you unable to see how those people were treating you especially as you can only ever see the good in people.  I just wanted you back and I took a drastic path in order to achieve that.  The rift between us is through my own fault.

 

As you will be aware I have left your things in the suitcase that was still aboard the yacht.  I didn’t want you to lose anything through the boats sale so everything is there.  I have also left the two paintings of yours that were on the boat, the one that you gave me and the one that I bought.  Maybe one day you’ll finish the first.  They are yours to do with what you will; I can not keep them for fear of being reminded of you.  As soon as I have a permanent address for you I will get the rest of your possessions to you along with the divorce papers citing myself as the sole offender.

 

Once this is all over I hope that you will have a happy and fulfilled life with much love.  You know how to do that now if only you keep your confidence up, of that I have no doubt.

 

With all my love and best wishes for the future

 

Mack xxx

 

Tears were falling again as she handed the letter over to her brother.  He read it through several times.  “It’s over isn’t it?”

 

“No, Sophie, it’s not.”

 

“How?”

 

“Have you really read this, he blames himself for everything bad that has happened and he hopes you’ll be happy without him.  But that’s not what he wants, he wants you, Sophie.  He loves you, but he’ll let you go if that’s what you want.  He’s put the ball in your court.  It’s for you to decide if you want him back.  Do you love him?”

 

“Yes, of course,” she whined.

 

“Then there’s your answer.  Right are you taking that lot with you?”

 

She nodded, grabbing a leather travel case to put the paintings in.  “Yeah, let’s go.”

 

 

.oOo.

 

 

Mack arrived home mid Sunday afternoon, he threw his stuff down on the floor and proceeded to peal the clothes from his body as he walked into his bathroom.  He turned on the shower and stepped beneath the pressurised spray.  He attempted to wash himself clean of the last few days of turmoil but he knew it would take more than a bit of soap and water.  He lent his back against the tiles; he was exhausted, not just from the travelling but from the hurt and the upset his little caper had caused.  He could truly say that he hated himself for what he had done to her and nothing would ever be able to take that feeling away.

 

For the first time since his mother had passed away, he cried, his tears washed away with the continuous surge of water over his face.  He put his head in his hands as he tried to calm himself but nothing was helping, he tried to make his mind go blank, he tried to think of other things in his life but nothing could take away his memories and feelings for the remarkable woman he had met very early one morning on a beach in southern France.

 

Eventually, he pulled himself together and miserably towelled himself dry.  He hoped that he would at least sleep after tossing and turning the last few nights away.  The towel was around his waist as he threaded his way to his bedroom, removing it and sliding his naked body under the covers.  It wasn’t long before he was asleep but he dreamt, her eyes never allowing him to seek any kind of refuge away from the recollection of her.

 

He awoke early and decided to get up, showering once more, ridding his chin of stubble and choosing a simple dark grey suit with a white shirt and mid grey tie for his meeting with the buyers from Marks and Spencer’s.  He felt too tired to eat and decided to make an early start at the office, taking the drive over slowly as he really had no need to rush.  He got in, made himself a coffee and went through his notes for his meeting.

 

Trudy was surprised by the fact he was already in his office by the time she and Martin got to work.  She was going to ask how his weekend had gone until she saw his face and realised it was best not to say anything at all.  She took him a fresh cup of coffee, which he absently thanked her for, and left him to his notes, fielding calls and keeping visitors from him.  It was nearly dinner time when she took the call that would change things for the better.  “Mackintosh and Walker Linens Ltd, how can I help?”

 

‘Trudy?’

 

“Yes.”

 

‘It’s Sophie.  I … I’m back … in Manchester.’

 

“Right, how can I help?”

 

‘I’ve been so mean to him, Trudy.’

 

“Well, he’s not told me anything and to be honest it isn’t any of my business.”

 

‘I know, I don’t mean to bring you into this but Steve, my brother, he said that Mack had a big meeting today.’

 

“Yes, he does, at 2 pm in the city.  Why?”

 

‘How long will he be out for?’

 

“He’ll leave at about 1 and will probably be gone for most of the afternoon.  He may not come back as he lives in the city at the moment, though.”

 

‘Oh!’

 

“Why?”

 

‘I have a gift for him and I want to surprise him, it’s a painting that I never finished.’

 

“And now you have?”

 

‘Yes.’

 

“Right, you get here about 1.30, we’ll have a chat, set up the surprise and as soon as he’s out of that meeting I’ll have him back here, I’ll phone with an excuse or something.”

 

‘Thanks, Trudy.’

 

“Well, I’m only doing this because I could actually see that the two of you were meant to be together and for no other reason, right?”

 

‘Right.  See you shortly.’

 

“Yeah, see you soon.”  She replaced the receiver as Mack popped his head around the doorjamb.

 

“I’ll be off in about half an hour, going to get myself a spot of lunch before I go to the meeting, probably stay in town afterwards.  Pointless coming back here if I don’t need to tonight, ok?”

 

She nodded, excuses were already forming in her mind, and all she had to do was pick the right one.