Lost

Disclaimer: I don't own the Magnificent Seven, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Slash

Rating: FRT

Lost
Chapter 10


"Buck," JD nervously approached the older agent as the workday came to a close.

Buck glanced up from his paperwork in surprise, "Yeah JD?"

"Um, well, I was just wondering, I know we ain't done nothing in a while, and that's my fault," he rushed to say.

Buck sighed, "JD, whatever it is, just spit it out."

Nodding, JD took a breath, "Could we go grab a beer?"

"You mean it?" Buck barely dared to breathe as he waited for JD to answer.

"Yeah, so how about it?"

"What are we still doing here?" Buck asked. Quickly shutting down his computer, he stood up and grabbed his jacket. "Come on JD, let's go get a beer," he grinned, grabbing JD's arm and pulling him out the door.

JD stumbled as he tried to keep up with Buck, "I can walk Buck," he protested.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Buck mumbled, letting go of JD like he'd been burned. Damn, what was wrong with him? He was a grown man for pete's sake and here he was acting like a little kid just invited to hang out with the cool kids.

JD felt awful when he saw Buck's reaction. Looked like Vin was right about how much his behavior had hurt Buck. He'd never expected to see his big brother so grateful for his attention and it left him feeling like something that should be scraped off the bottom of your shoe. "Buck, could we just get a six pack and go to the apartment?"

Buck paled, "Um, would you mind coming out to my place instead?" Buck had never thought he was a coward, but he wasn't ready to face being in that apartment.

JD didn't think it was possible to feel any worse, but the sight of Buck's face draining of color proved him wrong. "I'm sorry Buck, I wasn't thinking. Your place would be fine," he added.

Buck blushed, embarrassed that JD realized that he was scared. What the hell did it matter anyway? The kid already didn't think much of him, guess one more thing wouldn't make any difference. Without a word he headed for his truck, he stopped when he realized JD wasn't behind him. Hanging his head, he waited for JD to tell him he'd changed his mind about the beer.

"You pick up the beer, I'll grab a pizza and meet you there, okay?"

"Sure," Buck grinned, again feeling like that kid on the playground. "You know where my place is?"

"Yeah, I know. See ya in a little while," with a wave of his hand, JD walked to his own car and slid behind the wheel.

Chris stepped out of his office just in time to see Buck and JD walking out the door. "Guess you and JD had a good talk?" he asked, leaning against Vin's desk.

"Looks that way," Vin replied.

"You got doubts?"

Vin shrugged, "Not really."

Chris raised an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side.

"Aw hell Chris, you know JD ain't exactly tactful."

"You're worried he'll say something to hurt Buck?"

Vin sighed, "Guess I am. It ain't right that their friendship is suffering over this, I don't want to see them hurting anymore."

"No, it ain't right, but it's not real surprising. JD has looked up to all of us, but Buck is special to him, the big brother he never had and a hero all wrapped up together. Now he's found out that his hero is only human and he don't know how to handle it."

"Yeah, I just hope I didn't push him into something he ain't ready for."

"You didn't," Chris assured him.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know you cowboy," he replied. "You've got an ability to read people like nothing I've ever seen and I don't think it'd let you down now. JD needed a push, but you wouldn't have pushed if he wasn't ready. Don't worry Vin, they'll work it out."

"If they don't?"

"Then we'll figure something else out. Come on cowboy, let's go get a drink," he offered his hand, pulling Vin to his feet. The rest of the team had left while they were talking, leaving just the two of them in the office. Quickly they shut everything down and grabbed their coats. They were almost to the door when Mary Travis stepped into the office. "Mary," he greeted.

"Chris I need to talk to you," she quietly informed him.

"No time," he refused, steering Vin towards the door.

"What do you mean no time?" Mary demanded. "I need to talk to you Chris," she repeated. She watched in consternation as the two men ignored her and continued towards the door. "It's the end of the day, surely you can spare a few minutes," she tried again, following them to the elevator. "Well where are you going?" she asked when they didn't say anything.

The two men glanced at each other, then back at Mary, "Saloon," they answered together. Just then the elevator doors opened, allowing them to step inside and make their escape. Grinning at Mary, Chris nodded goodbye as he pushed the button and the doors slid shut.

Vin grinned, "What was that all about cowboy?"

"What?" Chris innocently asked.

"You sure seemed eager to get away from Mary..."

Chris shrugged, "Didn't feel like talking."

"Uh-huh, what function she wanting you to take her to this time?"

"I don't know and don't want to know," Chris mumbled.

"Thought you liked Mary."

"I do, but only as a friend. She understood that at first, but lately she's been pushing for more."

"You don't want more?"

"Not with, um, no I don't."

It was Vin's turn to raise an eyebrow, "There somebody you want more with?"

"I don't know, just know Mary isn't it," Chris replied as the elevator opened.


Buck arrived at his house, relieved that he had beat JD there, it would give him a chance to get himself under control. Hurrying inside, he slid the six pack of beer into the fridge and grabbed a stack of paper plates, setting them on the table. Absently, he began to straighten the house, as though that would matter to JD, but he needed the activity. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see thirty minutes had passed since he'd arrived home. Buck was sure his young friend would be there any minute, twenty minutes later, he wasn't so sure. Pacing the length of the living room, he kept looking outside, ten anxious minutes later and he was convinced that JD had changed his mind. Stalking to the fridge, he pulled the six pack from the fridge, removing one of the beers he opened it, downing it in three gulps. Tossing it into the trash, it was soon followed by a second bottle. The sound of a vehicle pulling up outside had him putting the third bottle back in the carton and walking outside.

"Sorry it took me so long Buck, the pizza place was a madhouse," JD explained as he carried the pizza towards the house.

"Could've called," Buck sullenly pointed out.

"Payphone was broke and my cell has a dead battery."

"Oh, well come on inside with that pie, I'm about to starve."

"You look it," JD teased as he walked through the door Buck held open for him. "Start without me?"

"Got thirsty," Buck defended.

Hearing the defensive tone in Buck's voice, JD suspected there was more to it than that. "Did you think I wasn't coming?" he quietly asked.

"No," Buck quickly denied, "yeah," admitting the truth in the next breath.

"Guess I would've thought the same in your shoes," JD conceded. "Got us a supreme, you want to hand me a couple of them plates?"

"You didn't get any anchovies did you?" Buck asked suspiciously, handing over the plates.

"Only on my half."

"Damn it JD, now the whole pizza is gonna taste like them things," Buck complained.

"How old are you Buck?"

"I ain't acting like a kid, it's true and you know it."

JD chuckled, "Don't worry Buck, your pizza won't be contaminated, I had them put the anchovies on the side."

"Think you're pretty funny don't ya kid?"

"Yep," JD agreed. Grabbing a beer, he headed for the living room with his plate. Settling in on the couch, he picked up the remote and turned the t.v. to a country music channel. "Nice place," he complimented as Buck joined him.

"Thanks," Buck replied as he settled into his recliner. For a while neither man spoke, each of them trying to find a way to move beyond the banter they were used to.

"I'm sorry Buck," JD finally spoke.

"Sorry?"

"Yeah, I had no right to treat you like I've been doing."

"JD," Buck sighed. "You had every right to feel the way ya do."

"No I didn't Buck..."

"Sure ya did, I hurt your friend, I don't blame you for being mad at me."

"That wasn't the reason though, not completely, and that's why I had no right to act like I did."

Buck stared at him for a moment, stunned by his words. "What was the reason then?"

"At first I told myself that it was because of what happened with Vin, and that was part of it. Wasn't all of it though, mostly it was...jealousy," he mumbled the last word, his face flushed with shame.

"Jealousy? Cause of how I feel about Vin?"

"Partly, and because you turned to Chris for support instead of me. I was mad cause you never even came back to the apartment, just had Chris come and pack your things. I thought we were better friends than that, damn it! I'm sorry Buck, that wasn't fair," he mumbled, his shame growing.

"I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me and well guess you'll think I'm a coward, but I couldn't face being in the apartment."

"You were right, that's why I said it wasn't fair for me to act like that. I was angry over what you did to Vin, and because of what you feel for him. I convinced myself that you weren't the kind of friend I wanted and at the same time I was missing my big brother so much I didn't know what to do. So when Chris came to get your things, I told myself that it was proof you weren't really a good friend. I've been a jackass Buck and I'm sorry," he quietly ended his confession.

"I won't argue that JD, but this situation ain't exactly something you can prepare for."

"I want to be friends again Buck."

"So do I JD," Buck smiled, settling back in his chair, truly relaxing for the first time all evening. "Are you managing the apartment alright?"

"Yeah, little strange to have all that room to myself though. I don't suppose you'd consider moving back in?" JD shyly asked.

Buck sighed heavily, "No JD, I'm sorry but I can't. I don't know if I'll ever be able to even visit the place again, but I'm sure I'll never be able to live there."

"That's what I figured, but I had to ask."

"Look at it this way kid, now you won't have to worry about being interrupted if you and Casey want some time alone," he grinned, waggling his eyebrows. "Of course, you'll still have to worry about Nettie tracking you down with her Spencer carbine if you don't treat that girl right," he teased. "Then there's what Vin will do to you."

JD swallowed hard, "Thanks Buck, I really didn't need the reminder."

"That's what big brothers are for, ain't it?"

"Is that what they're for? I thought they were so you'd have somebody to take the heat when the parents get mad."

"Did you do something to make dad mad?"

"Not this week."

"Week ain't over," Buck teased.

"So you gonna take the heat if I make him mad?"

"Depends."

"Depends? On what?"

"How mad you planning to make him?"

"I never plan to Buck, but you know how easy it is to make Chris mad."

Buck threw his head back, laughing harder than he had in the past month. "Can't argue that."

"Buck, are you gonna try to get together with Vin?" JD asked some time later.

Buck looked up, startled by the question. "I'd love to be with Vin, but it ain't gonna happen JD."

"You sure about that?"

"I'm sure, I'll consider myself damned lucky if Vin can bring himself to be my friend again."

"He's still your friend Buck," JD assured him.

"What makes ya say that?"

"He's the one that made me realize what an ass I've been."

"He's a good man," Buck smiled.

JD nodded, he wondered if he should tell Buck what Vin had said.

Buck watched him, noticing the way he kept fidgeting, "What's going on JD?"

"What makes ya think something's going on?"

"Oh not much, just the way you keep fidgeting like a virgin in a whorehouse."

JD blushed, "I ain't either."

"Fidgeting or a virgin?" Buck asked, his face perfectly straight.

JD's blush grew redder, as he continued to fidget.

"Alright JD, what's going on?"

"I don't want to cause any trouble," he hesitantly began. "When I talked to Vin, he said that he was willing to be your friend and that he wasn't ruling anything else out."

"He did? Are you sure that's what he said JD? You didn't misunderstand did ya?"

JD giggled, amused by the transformation in Buck as he suddenly turned into a nervous schoolboy. "That's what he said, want me to pass him a note tomorrow during study hall?" he teased.

"That bad?" Buck blushed.

"Yep," JD confirmed.

"You talked to him JD, do you think he really would give me a chance?" He didn't care how much it made him sound like a kid with his first crush, he had to know.

"Maybe, but you're gonna have to give him time Buck. Move slow," he advised, giggling again.

"What?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking it's funny, me giving you advice about your love life."

"Guess it is funny, but it ain't never meant as much before."

JD was surprised, even though Buck had said he loved Vin, he hadn't realized just how serious he was. In all the time he'd know the older man, he'd never seen him looking so vulnerable as he did right now. His eyes were filled with an equal measure of hope and fear as he considered JD's words. "You really do love him, don't you?"

"I told ya I did," Buck softly replied.

"I know, but I didn't really understand what ya meant until just now."

"JD?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for telling me," he quietly spoke, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "I know it may never happen, but you've given me hope."

JD had to look away, embarrassed, "You're welcome Buck," he whispered.


Later that night, long after JD had left, Buck lay in his bed, his friend's words running through his head. In spite of telling himself that there was no chance, his heart was refusing to listen. Given a bit of hope, it seemed his heart had developed a mind of its own, taking over and filling his mind with pictures of him with Vin, together and happy.

TBC

I know that the scene with Chris, Vin and Mary was gratuitous, but I just couldn't resist when I realized what a perfect set-up I had. Hope y'all enjoyed it. Please feed the muse with reviews.