Shattered Illusions

Chapter 10.

The week went by fast but the weekend was painfully slow. Mom and dad made sure I didn't talk to Luke by taking the phone out of my room and turning off my computer. They changed the password so I couldn’t log in. I liked to write poetry so I had to go back to writing it in my notebook instead of on the computer. I didn’t put up a fight so I wouldn’t ruin things for Luke and I. We only had one more week to go.

One day during lunch I asked Luke, “Have you ever been in trouble before? I mean for your temper?” I was hoping he wouldn’t lie to me.
He stopped eating and said, “Yeah, I have. I’ve been suspended from school for fighting and I even got in trouble for bringing a knife to school.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I asked.
He sighed. “Because I was afraid of what you might think of me. I didn’t want you to be scared of me.”
“Luke, I’m only scared of you when you blow up at someone, when you go into a blind rage like you did at the party. I was so scared, Luke. You looked at me with such hatred in your eyes. I felt like it was another person I was looking at.”
Luke looked at me with sad eyes.
“Jules, I could never hate you. I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at that asshole who said those things about you. In fact, I wasn’t even seeing you. I was in a ‘blind rage’, as you put it. When I’m that mad i’m blind to everything around me. I’m so sorry for hitting you and making you feel like I hated you.” He leaned over and kissed me. “I swear I’d never hit you on purpose.”
The second week was spent much the same as the first. Luke and I spent every spare moment during school that we could. At night he’d wave to me telling me he loved me from his window.
Word of what happened had spread through school. People looked at us and whispered as we walked down the halls or ate lunch under the tree. People gossiped and speculated about what happened that night. I told the ones who came up and asked me about it, the truth. I wanted to squelch the rumors that Luke punched me in the face. I never told Luke about any of the questions, afraid of how he might react.

When I walked down the hallways alone, I got looks of sympathy. Mark was now always nervous about talking to me. He was afraid Luke was going to see us and get jealous again even though he and Luke were getting along fine. He was friendly to Luke but cautious. I tried to reassure him that there was no need to worry. Luke no longer had a problem with our friendship.
“Julie, that guy is a ticking time bomb. I’m afraid of him and I’m afraid for you. What if he’s in a bad mood and sees us talking? Worse, what if he sees me hugging you? He’ll go nuts.” Mark told me one day.
“Mark, he’s over his jealousy of you.” I tried to tell him.
He just shook his head and said, “ I don’t know about that guy.”

The morning of Luke’s court date I jumped out of bed, excited at the thought of seeing Luke and our two week restriction being over. I heard the doorbell ring at 8 a. m I raced to answer the door. I jumped into Luke’s arms and kissed him. He laughed because I almost knocked him over. When I turned around to come inside I saw my mom and dad standing there and was immediately embarrassed. Luke looked to me and said, “Why don’t you go upstairs and finish getting ready. I’d like to talk to your parents.”
My parents later told me that he explained the whole incident at the party and how sorry he was for hitting me and it would never happen again. He told them how much he loved me and would never hurt me. I was grateful that he did this because it gave him big points with my parents.

In the car, on the way to court, we snuggled and whispered to each other. He was given one year of probation and ordered to take three months of anger management classes two days a week. I told him the classes were a good thing and he reluctantly agreed with me. I felt this was a turning point for Luke and a change for the better.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t a permanent change.