Within Me

Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter like...PG-13)
Warnings: Rape aftermath/angst
Summary: Sam and Dean recover from one of the hardest cases they've had.

This is VERY SHORT because I have to get to bed. Sorry!

Dean settled himself in the back of the minivan Elle managed to borrow from one of her former clients. The cheerios on the floor didn't bother him, but he wasn't too thrilled about staring at a piece of gum which had lodged on the back of the seat in front of him. He turned toward the back and closed his eyes. Within moments he was asleep.

While the minivan trip was quiet, with only the soft tones of Tom Jones to keep Elle company while she drove, the occupants of the Impala weren't having a bit of silence.

Sam fought not to roll his eyes as Mae peppered him with questions about the future.

"Sam, you can't honestly think to leave him now, can you?"

"I told you...I'm not sure yet. I don't want to hurt him."

"You're like a broken record. You know that?"

"Mae, you don't know how he is. He'll shut down and not talk about it and he'll pretend like everything is fine when it's not."

"How would you know?"

"What?" Sam felt a throbbing begin between his eyes and was beginning to wonder if he'd get to rest when they got to their destination.

"How would you know things weren't fine if he was pretending like it was?"

"It was pretty obvious something was wrong. He just won't talk about it. That's not my fault."

"You just said it was."

Sam's eyes widened and the throbbing spread to his temples. "I did not! I said it was his fault. How is it my fault if he is the one who won't talk about it? He hides his true feelings!"

"And you let him!"

Sam opened his mouth to reply, but stopped when the truth of her words sunk in. "Shit...OUCH!" He pulled his arm away from Mae as she pinched him. "What was that for?"

"Hurts when the truth hits, don't it?"

Sam bit down on his lower lip hard. Don't hit a lady...don't hit a lady...don't hit a lady...
"Yeah..it hurts."

"See, I think the problem is you."

Sam just shook his head and figured he'd better get used to being the brother that screwed up all the time around Mae. He couldn't believe someone was accusing him of being the insensitive one. "Okay, why do you think that?"

"You leaned on him a lot. I'm not saying that's your fault, but that's how it was and it hurt him some. He had to be there for you, right?" Mae lifted her eyebrow as if daring Sam to disagree.

"Yeah, you're right, but what's that have to do with now?"

"Well, you expected him to be strong so he didn't let you down. Then when he didn't want to be strong anymore he didn't know how to lean on you back...so he dropped hints. Must have been pretty good ones, too, since you seemed to know when he was hiding his feelings."

Sam started to see where her idea was going and he didn't like it one bit. "You're saying I saw he was hurting and I ignored it..."

Mae slapped her knee. "Damn right you ignored it! And when it's that obvious and you don't pry and pester him until he has no choice but to spill, he figures you don't care. Men like that...men who have to hide their feelings to stay safe...they need it dragged out of them. And once you do that, he'll hate you, but it will help him so much in the end that he'll forget why he hates you."

Sam tried to follow her logic, but got stuck at the part where Dean hated him. "I don't want him to hate me, Mae."

"You think he wants him to hate you? No...but it seems like it might be easier to get to his anger before you get to the real pain. You have to walk through fire for him, Sam. It's the only way."

Sam took a deep breath as the sign for the Sebasco Harbor Resort came into view and nodded. "Not a problem..."


TBC...