Medley

Medley, Chapter Eleven



medley(plural medleys) noun 1.music: musical sequence of different songs: a continuous piece of music consisting of two or more different tunes or songs played one after the other 2. mixture of things: a mixture or assortment of various thingsChapter ElevenBusy Day, Two

Hospital, Downstairs

"No, Fraiser, I really don't think it would be appropriate for you to buy Solly something from the gift shop."
"The man is having a rather remarkable run of bad luck."

"The man is a scuzz bucket, Benton. An unrepentant scuzz bucket."

"Well, yes, but..."

"Okay, a get well soon card, but no flowers. And I'm not signing it."

"Blair..."

"Oh, geez, not the reproachful eyes. Okay, gimme the pen."




Upstairs

"IT’S LIKE RAAAAAAIN ON YER WEDDIN’ DAY..."

"Solly..." Stanley was starting to sound desperate.

"IT'S A FREE RIIIIIIIIDE, BUT IT'S ON'Y ONE WAY..."

"Solly, please."

"IT'S DA GOOD ADVIIIIIIICE DAT WOULD FUCK UP YER DAY..."

"Jim, for God's sake, do something"

Jim had dialed his hearing down to below normal when Solly started on Alanis Morrisset, but it was still annoying as hell. "Actually, his version of the lyrics make a lot more sense. Solly, stop it, or I'll find a Jagged Little Pill, and cram it, okay?"

"Youse guys ain't no fun. What da fuck's da point o' goin' to a carrotokie bar iffn ya don' sing?"

"I told you, Solly," Stanley said patiently. "We're not in a kareoke bar. You're blitzed."

"Hey, den it's been a good Saturday night!"

"Just shut up."

"Okey dokey." (Minute pause) "Feelings..."

"Oh Jesus!"


In the Gift Shop

"Turtles or a Mars bar?"

"Benny, he probably won't be able to eat solid food for awhile."

"Yes, I know, but it would just be a nice gesture. Oh, look. Stuffed animals."

"Hell no!"

"Not for Solly. Look, Blair. A little stuffed bear. He looks just like you."

"Ben, that is so totally ridiculous and uncool, and... uh... He is kinda cute."

"Here."

"No, reallyu shu shouldn't. You really think he looks like me?"


In Solly's Room

"IN DA VILLAGE, DA PISSY VILLAGE, DA LION SLEEPNIIINIIIIIGHT..."

"Jim, are you sure it would be considered premeditated? Couldn't I claim manslaughter?"

"Not with him handcuffed to the bed. Though if we made a tape, you'd have a hell of a case of mitigating circumstances."

A tall, skinny man in green scrubs came into the room. "My, he's the most cheerful surgery candidate I've ever run into."

"Please tell me you're here to take him away," Stanley pleaded.

"Oh, no, not yet. He has another stage of sedation before we take him to the OR."

"Well, hurry it up, please. He may start on show tunes at any minute."

The doctor pulled a capped syringe out of his breast pocket. "Don't worry. This will take the music right out of him."

Jim was studying the doctor, idly. "Say, doc, I was wondering. Do you have to wear some special type of face mask in the OR?"

"Well, we always wear them, for the patient's protection."

"I know. I was just wondering if you had to have some sort of special face shield, what with that beard."


In the Elevator

"So he'll have to stay over till at least tomorrow evening. I was thinking we could requisition a couple of uniforms to stay with him for the night, and you and Stanley both could come back to the apartment."

"That would be very considerate, Blair. But actually, I was hoping that we could... um... you know.

"We can."

"But Jim and Stanley may want to..."

"They can."

"Oh." Pause. "The apartment is rather open, and small."

"Yeah, but the bed is big and sturdy."

"Ah." Pause. "Do you mean...?"

"Yes."

"Oooh..."

"Dear. I know. Does the idea bother you?"

"Yes, but in a very interesting way."


In Solly's Room

"No, the usual mask works very well." The doctor wrapped a piece of rubber tubing around Solly's arm, knotting it tightly above the elbow.

"Aye, dat pinches." Solly complained.

"Sorry, but I have to get a vein. Make a fist." Solly did--with middle finger protruding rigidly.

"Solly, be nice!" Stanley scolded. Solly snickered. The doctor poked experimentally at the crook of Solly's elbow. "You're not gonna inject it into the IV shunt? That's what they did when I was in after I was shot."

"Me, too." Jim sat forward. "Seems like it would be a lot less trouble. Solly looks like he has deep veins. Good thing you didn't decide to be a junkie, Solly. You would have eaten yourself up trying to spike those little spaghetti strands you have."

"For this, we prefer a fresh vein." The doctor uncapped the syringe. Okay, Mister Tyson, this will only sting a little."

"Don' wanna shot." Solly started jerking his hand, his arm shifting rapidly.

(Pretty much at the same time)

Stanley: "Doc, shouldn't you be sterilizing his skin, or something?"
Jim: "Wait a minute. That syringe looks..."
Solly, grinning: "Aye, Pavel! Ya in ta get dat honker o' yers carved down?"
(Door opens.)
(In stereo)"HIT MAN!
(Rapid scuffle.)
Solly: "Ow! Mudderfucker, dat hurt!"
Jim: "Fuck, doesn't anyone have some handcuffs? Blair, take a set off Solly."
Blair: "Can do, Jim. Here, lemme... Okay, got him. Jim, Stanley, this is Pavel Kol, AKA Atticus Finch. Solly's 'lawyer', and Bernie's enforcer."

Fraiser gently removed the hypodermic needle from Solly's arm, just as a real doctor came in. "What's going on here?"

"An attempted assassination, Doctor. Kol, what was in the syringe?" Benton asked sternly.

The Russian, hauled to his feet by Jim, spat on the floor. "Kurite moju trubku, ment."

Solly groaned. "Oo, what you said!"

"There was nothing in the syringe," Jim informed them. "He was planning on putting an air bubble in Solly's bloodstream. Probably hoped we'd assume it was natural causes. Dumb ass. But you should check him over, just in case, Doc. Blair, Benny--Stanley and I will take this Cossack downtown and book him. Oh, Pavel. I have a feeling the Feds are gonna LOVE you."

The Russian scowled. "I'll deal."

"Not up to us to say. Let's go, Stanley." Stanley went out into the hallway. Jim lifted Kol's braceletted hands behind him till he was forced up on tiptoe. "Hey, Ben?"

"Yes Jim?"

"You look good in my sweats."

(Blush) "Thank you."

Jim leaned close to his ear. "Bet you'd look better out of them." Fraiser turned as rosy as the sky over the eastern horizon in a Canadian dawn. "Has Blair talked to you yet?"

"You mean about... uh... a menage au quarto?"

"Yeah."

"Yes."

"Well?"

"I'm considering. Stanley..."

"Don't worry about Stanley. Blair?"

"Yeah?"

"Work on him, punkin."

"Will do."

"Okay, Pavel, we're off to get you acquainted with one of the finer steel bar estshmeshments in the northwestern United States. You have the right to remain silent."

"Kurite moju trubku!"

"You've already said that. Anything you say can be taken down and used against you in a court of law."


Russian slang translation from The Alternative Dictionaries
kurite moju trubku: Suck my cock!
ment (masc. noun): cop. Very commonly used, but don't say it to a cop unless he's tiedæ