The Journey to Love: Seaching For A Soulmate

Journey Intro: The Journey to Love can be a fun and enlightening one. It’s one filled with plenty of turns and detours. Road signs are misinterpreted, if seen at all. Road maps are useless. No one knows the exact directions nor can anyone give advice on how to get there. No one knows exactly how it looks because everyone arrives at a different destination at different times. You’ll just know when you arrive. But who’s to say the travel plans won’t change once you get there? Remain open to the journey. Sometimes it’s the best part of the trip.

 

When will it be my turn? : Derek’s Thoughts

                Watching. Looking. Wondering. Derek walked from room to room, looking at the people dancing, smiling, loving.

Are they all in love? Are they all that happy? Now I remember why I’m not particular fond of weddings. It constantly reminds me that I’m in a minority. I want to be in love, but I can’t find a man who wants to stay in love. A man who wants a commitment. A man who just wants me. Someone not intimidated by my job. Someone not afraid, to …I don’t know, be himself?

Derek walked around, looking at family members, family friends. His cousin’s wedding was beautiful; she always had an affection for beautiful things, and shiny things, and expensive things. Good thing she had the job to go with it. In their conversation a few days before Shelia told Derek that she was unhappy that he was alone. He told her that it wasn’t because he wanted to be. He wanted love, to be in a relationship. But like so many women say…where are all the good men?

I go out on dates. But that’s as far as it really goes. I don’t feel a lot of chemistry in my heart. My body is a different story. There was Kevin who was tall, dark and extremely handsome. A teacher, great muscles, great in bed. But that’s all he wanted. Relations, no relationship. There was Stephen, the wedding planner, whose kisses made my damn knees weak. But he cheated on me; I wasn’t enough. I fell in love with Mark. If there were someone I felt I could stay with forever, it would have been Mark, my sexy lawyer. Would have been. I don’t know. He couldn’t be honest with me. I didn’t want a bisexual man, I wanted a gay man. There’s a huge difference. I really loved him. He was my world. If he ever came back into my life, I might have a hard time saying “no”. Really hard. When do I get to become someone else’s world? Who will help soothe my mind after a hard, trying day? Who will help me relax, calm me down?

                Walking through the garden patio of the reception hall, he could see his mother dancing with a gentleman friend. She didn’t want to call him her boyfriend yet. He didn’t know why; they looked so happy together. She looked as happy as she did when his dad was alive. Even his mother had possibly found love after all these years. Maybe there was hope for him.

I’m too old to be club hopping and jumping from bed to bed. Twenty-somethings do that. People who don’t know or don’t care do that; I’m beyond that. I want to fall in love again. It’s been too long. A one night stand every once in a while is ok, I guess. But that’s just physical; it pleases my body but leaves my heart empty. I hope don’t forget what it’s like, falling in love. I hope I can recognize it. I don’t like the internet dating much. People lie a lot. Fake pictures; lie about their jobs, their family. Their health status. I want someone to make me their world, make me their main concern. When’s my turn? It’s enough to depress a brother. I just want to meet someone and we just click. How do I meet him? How do I find him? How does he find me? Granny used to tell me to put it out where God could hear it. Will He hear it since I’m gay? I know He loves me. I know He cares about how I feel. Surely, He doesn’t want me to be alone, all my life. I do so much good in this world, chasing the evil ones, putting them away so they can’t hurt anyone else. He can grant me this one happiness. Please God send me someone to love. I promise to cherish him like the beautiful gift he is. I promise. I promise. With all that I am I promise.