Heartbeats

I heard my name called loud and clear from the voice that had plagued my thoughts and dreams for so long now. Before I could think past the fact that I heard my name from his perfect voice, I was running… out of my room, down multiple corridors that had taken me so long to memorize and then into the hub area.

The Doctor was rushing around the TARDIS controls like always, trying to find the answer to a question that was only asked in his mind. I was about to ask why he had called me over, because the last thing I knew was that we were on our way to Barcelona. We were finally going to make it there, after so long of just talking about going there; the planet of Barcelona.

But by the expression on the Doctor’s face, which was now so close to mine that I almost had to lean backwards, it would have to wait yet again.

“Where have you been? Didn’t you feel it?” he was practically buzzing with energy, though not the good kind. He looked more worried than I had yet seen him, and it scared the shit out of me.

“Feel what?”

“Something hit us… We were pushed,” he paused, looking through me for a few agonizing moments, making me move ever-so-slightly to get his attention back. “We were pushed out of the vortex.”

I had no idea what that meant, really… but by the look on the Doctor’s face, it couldn’t be good. “Can’t you just sort of… pop us back?” I asked, and by the next look that crossed his features, I knew it was a silly question that didn’t need to be answered aloud: no.

“What are we going to do then, Doctor?” I asked, my voice suddenly rising with his as mynerves got control over my body.

For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me; a flickering hope in the sudden darkness that engulfed us. But then he sucked in breath and retreated, turning back to the controls which he didn’t touch anymore. “Nothing. We’re in suspended animation,” he said, matter-of-factly.

I was in complete shock; I couldn’t move… I couldn’t even believe that I was still breathing, because I was sure I was going to have a heart-attack. But all I could do was stand there, staring at the man I loved so much. The man that was the definition of adventure with his space ship that could take us anywhere… And suddenly, we were stuck.

And when he turned so I could see his profile, there was a glimpsing moment that I could see into him. I could see all the history, pride, and especially sorrow that surrounded so many of his memories and thoughts. Again, my mind couldn’t think faster than my body could move, and I was in front of him.

My arms folded around him, engulfing him in my love that I was unsure he was even aware of; I could only hope. I could feel his arms pressing against my back, wrapping around me tightly and I dug my face into his shoulder in a comforting embrace.

I knew in my mind that he was right; if the Doctor couldn’t think of a way to get us out of… wherever we were and back into the vortex, then we were stuck. A bit of me was scared of that fact, but another couldn’t help but think: is it really so bad? But my heart also knew that, no matter how much he believed it now, the Doctor would never give up. He would find a way back into the vortex and we would keep moving forward.

And when we pulled apart, I was surprised with what I saw. Although it was deep within his eyes, below the sorrow and pride he kept so tight around himself, there was sadness.

“Doctor?”

“Mm?” he sounded unenthused.

“What are you thinking about?”

He paused for a moment, unsure of how to answer my question. “The slow path,” the three words surprised me. Was it really so scary for him, to be stuck in one place for so long with me? I knew that it wasn’t the last part that he was thinking about… but I couldn’t help but take a stab for it.

As I watched him, my felt myself want to reach out and touch him again; the embrace that so comfortable and comforting to each of us… because the look on his face was just so lonely. It was as though the thought of living a normal life was painful to even begin to think about. It made me wish I had the ability to make his entire life wonderful and happy, because I knew that he had made mine both wondrous and spectacular, even in the worst of times.

My lips parted slightly as my thoughts came to the conclusion they had come to so long ago, but when I figured out what I was about to say, I snapped them shut once more. And as I did so, his eyes locked on my lips for a split second before he turned away; I wasn’t even sure if I truly saw it happen.

It was moments likes these that made me wish I could read his mind… but of course, I was just a normal shop-girl from London. There was nothing I could offer him – the last of the Time Lords – that he couldn’t get for himself. Sometimes, I couldn’t even believe that he kept me around… but I cherished every moment of it.

Then, as I was lost in my own thoughts, he turned to face me and I almost jumped out of my skin at the expression he wore. The Doctor’s grin radiated through the room, threatening to melt me and my minds defenses. “Wha-“ I began, but he cut me off. “-Ahhah! I’ve got it, Rose!”

Then he was off.

It took me little more than a few seconds to catch up to him, and I couldn’t help but smile as I ran, my hair flowing through the air. “What is it?!” I yelled over the pulsing in my ears.

“Antidote! Works on almost everything. I’ve used it once before on the TARDIS, let’s hope it works this time, too!” I could hear the grin on his face; the look of hope. He had so much of it lately…

He stopped at a door marked ANTIDOTES and walked inside in front of me. I followed out of habit, mostly, but I watched with curiosity. His long fingers weaved through vials and containers – rows and rows of them – before he came to a small, round bottle with yellow colored gelatin inside.

The expression he wore when he looked at the substance inside the bottle warmed my heart; it was part of the Doctor that I couldn’t help but love. I could not trust him completely, so I quickly followed him back to the control room.

I stood for a little while, watching him disappear under the grating that was the floor, but soon I was sitting in one of the unseeingly comfortable chairs near the mushroom of controls.

The sounds of clanging, gasping and growling could be heard from under me, but I barely paid attention. Soon I was asleep in the same chair, my legs pulled up under me with my hand pressed underneath.

It was a wonder how I stayed upright through my sleep, and when I awoke in practically the same position, I wondered how long I had been asleep. I also wondered where the Doctor was, seeing as the sounds of someone underneath me were gone.

Quickly I got up and began to move to the grating the Doctor had left unlatched in the floor, rubbing my hand so it would also wake up.

I looked down the small shaft to see none other than the Doctor, sitting on the floor. At first, I smiled and began to move towards him, but I slowed when I got a better look at him. The lighting was bad, but even I could tell he was crying.

“Doctor?” I said quietly. My heartbeat began to pick up, but I kept my mood mellow – or at least as mellow as I could muster.

“It didn’t work,” he mumbled, staring at his hands.

I stared at him in disbelief, unwilling to process the words. “It has to work…”

He shook his head, “She isn’t sick; she’s lost. She’s shutting down now, because she can’t get her bearings. Eventually she will die.”

His last words echoed through my mind as I sat across from him.