Bags not... Rick!

„RUN!“

In the turmoil of four unlucky virgins fleeing from a hungry-looking vampire, Rick runs over Mike and scrambles to his feet, running for the stairs, but thinking of something better in the nick of time.

The closet. It’s not safe, going in there – you might find anything, from year-old cheese leftovers that have started evolution anew, to a gate to a different dimension – but all of this is better than being bitten to undeath.

He pulls on the handle, but the door resists. Doubling his effort, Rick finally manages to get the door open, slips inside and leans against the wood with his back.

“Get out, I’m hiding in here!”

“There’s plenty enough room for both of us, Vyvyan!” Rick is unusually relieved about the raspy, annoying voice of his housemate beside his ear. Even if the vampire finds him in here, chances are that Vyvyan will first attempt to hit him over the head with something, and this might give Rick time to flee.

Outside, there are shouts and rumbling, and then thunder breaks lose over their heads, indicating that Neil has chosen to flee upstairs.

“The door needs some oiling”, remarks Rick. “I could hardly get it open.”

“That’s because I was trying to keep it closed.”

“What?! You traitor, you wanted me to get bitten?”

“No, I thought you were the vampire, twit.”

“Oh, so I look like a vampire to you, do I?!”

“Not much of a difference, really.”

It sounds like a heap of heavy things is being thrown around upstairs. Neil is trying to make it clear that he does not have anything against vampires as such, but will defend his life with his life.

“It’s only a matter of time until he finds us here”, whines Rick, and realizes he has three fingers in his mouth. “And then…”

“Well, there’s still one thing we can do.” There’s a rough sound beside Rick’s ear. It’s probably Vyvyan scratching the back of his head.

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Well. I don’t like it any more than you do. But at least it’ll be dark in here, so I won’t have to see you”, Vyvyan ponders.

“How about… how about we just jerk each other off, and never talk about it again?” Rick suggests quickly.

“Won’t do, you coward”, says SPG from somewhere on the floor.

“Vyvyan! You suggest us doing… nasty things in here, with your hamster watching?!”

“He never asked me”, mopes SPG.

“You hold your hands over your ears”, orders Vyvyan. “And if you peek, I’ll kill you.”

“Aye, aye…”

Steps are coming downstairs. Slow steps. Not someone in a hurry.

“That’s him”, whispers Rick, and his voice breaks in his throat. Vyv’s hand clamps over his mouth.

The steps sound further away from the closet. He seems to be wandering towards the kitchen. Rick becomes aware of things around him again. Vyv’s hand on his mouth, the arm around his shoulder, Vyv’s chest nearly touching his back. It’s strange. It feels somewhat safer like this.

He thinks that this is maybe not so bad after all. The immediate danger is making Vyv more attractive by the minute, and the physical closeness is hard to resist when you lacked physical contact for 23 years. The same starvation that gave Rick a hard-on when he tried to squash Vyvyan’s balls, and when Vyv threw him on the bed and jumped on top of him. It’s only natural. In this situation, any body is good.

He recalls some of his wet dreams, shuddering, the ones he’s always too ashamed to think about in the morning. Yeah. Vyv is as good as anything right now.

The steps are coming closer again. “Hello-oh! Don’t worry, I’ll find you!”

Behind Vyv’s hand, Rick sneers. “Okay. What do we do?” he whispers, pushing Vyv’s hand away. Can’t be bad to at least know what’s being offered.

He is pushed around, his back is pressed into the door. Vyvyan’s spikes scratch Rick’s cheek. “I got hair gel”, rasps Vyv beside his ear.

Rick closes his eyes. He’s trying not to think about the hamster, about his self-worth, his (admittedly somewhat deluded) self-image. There’s a warm throbbing going on underneath his belly button. This isn’t so bad at all. It’s going to happen. Finally. Only… fuck, it’s Vyvyan.

“Okay”, he whispers harshly, any tone gone from his voice. “You can do it to me. But I’m warning you, this is not a prison shower, so if you think you can rush right in and…”

“Oh shut up.”

Rick’s mouth is suddenly smothered with another one. The nose ring crushes his upper lip against his teeth. This is gross. Vyv’s beer breath is forced into Rick’s windpipe. So this is snogging. Well, it might make sense to try this a little more intensely, see if it gets better.

“Can I take my hands off my ears now?”

“No! Bugger off!” replies Vyvan, and Rick can finally breathe again.

“You don’t usually last this long.”

There’s a kick into the dark, and a loud squeak. Vyvyan’s mouth comes back, tongue pushing against Rick’s lips. This isn’t so bad at all. Once you come to think about it, snogging is pretty nice. Rick forces his tongue over into Vyvyan’s mouth. He tastes okay. The beer is only in his breath, not his spit. These lips are soft, and his tongue is even softer. The stubble, that’s not how it should be, but the tongue and lips… yeah, this is nice. Rick is beginning to feel it downstairs. Yeah, why not…

Vyv’s groin is pressed into Rick’s hip. There’s a full erection under his jeans. If Rick didn’t know better, he’d say that Vyv is enjoying this.

“Ah, the old wardrobe trick!” The steps stop right in front of the door now.

Mouths stuck together, the guys re holding their breath.

“You can’t hide from me in a wardrobe, you know, I can smell virgin blood!”

“This is not a wardrobe, it’s a closet, you idiot!” shouts Rick, encouraged by the progress they made in here.

“Get out of the way!” There is a heavy sound. Vyv seems to be moving stuff. Rick is pushed away from the door. “There. That should hold him up for a while.”

Adrenaline is rushing in Rick’s head, along with several other hormones. He lets Vyv grab him by his upper arms, and pull him down to the floor. They lie in the darkness and listen to the sound of the door rattling against lots of furniture.

Vyv suddenly pulls Rick’s belt open. “Get them off, come on, we have no time to lose!”

“You can’t rush something like this!” shouts Rick.

“You tell him!”

Rick fumbles his pants off. He feels Vyv move against him, first demin, then warm flesh. Fuck. There’s that erection again.

Vyvyan’s heavy body pushes Rick over, face down, and nearly squashes him. For a second, there’s a nasty sound, squishing, and cold stuff drips and smears all over Rick’s thighs and buttocks. He just hopes that idiot has enough left to rub on his cock.

Vyv’s hands roughly part Rick’s legs, and now Rick gets that really cold, rushing feeling in his belly. He’s scared as hell. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to calm down by breathing deeply in and out.

Cold, wet cock between his legs. Pushing against the space in between.

“Higher. No, not that high, lower… yeah, I think this is it.” His voice sounds cold and clear. It’s not sexy, but it must be done.

There’s pressure, but it’s not pushing in. This can’t be true. They didn’t go all this way just to discover that it’s not going to fit. Rick wants to cry about the absurdity.

“Rick, I think you’re too cramped.”

“Well, you would be cramped too, know-all!”

“You gotta… you gotta push.”

“Me? You gotta push!”

“No, like, like you’re doing a number two.”

“WHAT?! That’s the most stupid idea ever, what’s that supposed to be good fo- ARGH!” Rick cries out and slams his forehead into the floor. Fuck, this hurts. But he’ll be damned if he cries. He’s not going to cry, damn it, and he tries to will the tears back under his eyelids. Vyvyan on top of him is holding still, breathing deeply and quickly, their hips pressed together. What erection Rick had left is now softening.

The pounding and scratching against the door has stopped.

“Aw, you’re no fun any more!” complains the South African vampire outside, and the steps slowly walk away from the door. Even the steps sound sulky. “Bastards. Tricked me…”

The front door opens and slams shut.

Rick breathes out.

“He’s gone.”

“Hah… this feels good…”

“Get off me, you perv!”

Vyv leans his forehead against the back of Rick’s neck. “Uh… let me come?” he begs, his voice high and scratchy.

“No way in hell are you going to come in my… get off me!”

”Please!”

“GET OUT!”

Vyv exhales and pulls out. Rick winces. The pressure on his back is gone. Now it seriously begins to hurt. He whines and fumbles for his pants, but they’re hard to find in the darkness.

Vyv snorts. “That was the worst first time ever. Thanks, you cunt.”

“Well, it’s hardly my fault if you don’t know how to use your… equipment, is it!” snaps Rick.

There is some rumbling, and the door opens. “SPG!”

Something jumps over Rick, who is trying to pick his trousers up in the half-light.

“Oh no, now I’m blinded”, says the hamster, and then the door slams shut behind him and Vyvyan.