Patient #082315

Session Transcript
Date: Monday, 07 February 2005
Patient: S. Bennett #082315


So, Sydney, do you know why you are here?

Um, because all of the survivors of Oceanic 815 have been through a traumatic experience? Because my physician said it would help me adjust to being home? Because my in-laws think it’s a good idea? Take your pick, doc.

Do you think it is a good idea?

I guess so. It’s just that I’m tired of talking about what happened while we were on the island. The press wants to know. The government wants to know. The airline wants to know. Anyone who ever read about the crash wants to know. There are only so many ways to tell a story before it becomes boring. I mean, how many times can you say, “We crashed on an island that wasn’t as uninhabited as we thought. We went through some really weird shit. No one will ever be the same.” Let’s face it, overall I didn’t have it nearly as bad as some others did. It’s not like I had to give birth on the island. I didn’t have my kid taken from me. I wasn’t shot or strangled or beaten or kidnapped. I didn’t see ghosts or monsters or unearth weird mysteries. I didn’t spend years alone on an island in the middle of nowhere. I mean, the worst thing that happened to me was that I found out a former lover was dead and the father of my child was on the same airline and had survived the same crash. That’s pretty mild in comparison, don’t you think?

It was still a traumatic experience for you.

I’m not saying it wasn’t. I’m just saying that it could have been a whole lot worse. I lived through it and I was able to come home to a son that I thought I would never get to see again. Yes, I had a hard time dealing with Christian’s death. Yes, he was a son of a bitch but that didn’t mean that I didn’t feel something for him. But he’s gone and there’s nothing I can do about that now. Yes, I met up with the father of my child even though I never thought I’d see him again. Yes, I had to tell him about the son he never knew existed. Yes, it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. But I’m home now and I never thought I would be. That stuff doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am here now. I’m able to go home and see Mason whenever I want to. I don’t need some doctor to tell me how to deal with my feelings.

Then let’s talk about how you are adjusting to being back.

Fine. It’s weird. I’m staying with my in-laws. They took Mason in after the crash and sold my condo and all that. They were going to raise him as their own. I mean, I’m fine with that. I love them dearly. I was married to their son for almost four years before he was killed. But it is kind of weird living with them. It’s almost like living with my own parents again. But it was a shock to Mason when I showed up after being gone for four months and staying there has made the transition easier on him. And on me too, I guess. Okay, you want honest? Here’s honest. Being back is just difficult. I don’t have anything to talk about with anyone because I’m out of the loop on everything. I can’t sleep at night because I got too used to being on the island. I’ve developed trust issues. I spent four months on an island with people that went from being strangers to being family. And all of a sudden we are rescued and we are strangers again. It’s like everyone wants to pretend that nothing ever happened. We never crashed, we never became friends, we never were rescued…. It never happened.

And this bothers you.

YES! I didn’t expect to be getting together for drinks and dinner but I did expect a phone call from a couple of people.

Are you referring to Mason’s father?

It’s been two weeks. I would have thought he would have contacted me by now. He was so adamant about meeting Mason once we got rescued and now… I just feel like he’s abandoning me all over again.

Is that what happened? He abandoned you?

Yes. No. Not really. I mean I thought so at the time but he didn’t. One day he was there, the next day he wasn’t. I never got a phone call, a letter, an email… nothing. He was just gone.

But he didn’t abandon you.

Like I said, I thought so at the time but now I know that he didn’t. When we were on the island he explained to me why he had just disappeared. He had been in an accident, was in a coma, was paralyzed. He was pretty messed up. By the time he was able to contact me I was married. He thought I had abandoned him. That I had given up on him and married someone else.

I’m sure it was a shock for you to see him on the island.

Yeah. Yeah, it was. I mean, I had seen him in the airport and I saw him again on the plane. It was just like one big great cosmic coincidence or something. Things like that don’t just happen. I mean, I just happen to be in Australia on business at the same time that he is there for vacation? And we just happen to be on the same flight? I wasn’t much of a believer in destiny before, but after all that….

You think you were destined to be in that plane crash?

Fate. Destiny. I don’t know. John seems to think everything happens for a reason. Yet he can’t give me a reason why fate would keep us apart, would keep him from his own son when he of all people understands the importance of a father-son relationship.

He of all people?

His dad was a real jackass. He did a number on John. All John ever wanted was a father that loved him. And then for whatever reason, John was denied the opportunity to be with his own son. If that is destiny, then it is a cruel one. Look, I know I’m not making much sense, okay? But none of the past five years of my life have made sense. The affair with Christian. John’s accident. Martin’s death. The plane crash. None of it makes sense. It doesn’t matter how much we talk about it or how much we analyze it or think about it. Whatever. You weren’t there. You don’t know what happened and no matter how much any of us explain it to you, you just won’t get it. I know you want to help and I know that it will help to talk to someone and I’m going to try, I really am.

Sydney, would it be okay if you came in again on Thursday? I’d like to see you again if possible.

Yeah. Okay.