The Secret Lives of Scientists

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Part One: The Sordid Sex Lives of Geeks

Czech scientist and best friend of Rodney McKay, due to the simple fact that he was the only one who could stand him for any amount of time, Radek Zelenka stared at his desk top in shock and disbelief and a little horror. Said McKay, his assistant Miko, Dr. Heightmeyre, and Dr. Simpson stood off to the side.

“What?” Radek turned to McKay who just shrugged.

“It was there when we got here.”

“Open it,” Miko, Heightmeyer, and Simpson demanded as Elizabeth, Teyla, Sheppard, Ford, Bates, Grodin, and Beckett walked in.

“What’s going on? None of you were at breakfast?” Elizabeth asked. “Is something wrong…what is that?”

“It’s present from a secret admirer,” Rodney said dryly.

“How do you know?” Bates asked.

“Well, considering it’s a gift with an unsigned card and it’s not his birthday or any holiday I’d say it’s a pretty logical conclusion,” Rodney said sarcastically.

“Open it!” Miko demanded again and Radek pulled on the ribbon holding the wrapping paper, it slid away to reveal a basket full of goodies. Chocolate bars, coffee grounds, and a stuffed teddy bear with a red heart. Zelenka’s jaw dropped, Rodney’s eyebrows disappeared under his hair line, Simpson ‘awed’, Miko squealed, Heightmeyer announced it to be true love, Elizabeth beamed, Teyla smiled and called it ‘a true show of deepest affection’, Sheppard and Bates grinned and Sheppard gave him a thumbs up, Grodin grinned, and Ford smiled but seemed slightly nervous.

“Wow.” Rodney snagged one of the candy bars as Zelenka picked up the teddy bear and inspected the note.

Dear Radek,
Roses are red, violets are blue, McKay is smart and so are you!
Your secret admirer

“’McKay is smart and so are you’?” Rodney repeated around a candy bar. “That’s corny.”

“It’s sweet,” Simpson countered.

“Wow, looks like one of you is finally getting laid!” Sheppard grinned. The scientists looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“What do you mean finally?” Simpson asked.

“I hate to break it to you major but we get laid a hell of a lot more then you,” Rodney snorted. The military men burst out laughing. Rodney sat down and raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t believe us?” Simpson asked.

“Uh, well it’s nothing personal, but…no.”

“Would you be reacting this way to a secret admirer if you did?” Ford asked the reasonable question.

“Oh, not serious relationships. Just sex,” Simpson clarified airily as if it was the most common thing in the world. Jaws dropped. “Three ways, four ways, toys, bondage, you name it, we’ve done it!”

“Is that true?” Teyla asked, Heightmeyer nodded.

“I think it from a man,” Miko said looking over his shoulder. Zelenka didn’t seem fazed by that at all.

“That doesn’t bother you?” Bates asked.

“Sergeant, all of us have had relationships with both sexes, it’s not that big of a deal,” Rodney paused, then an evil grin blossomed on his face. “How would you like to make a wager, major?” he asked.

“That depends, what’s the bet and who’s involved?”

“The wager is: we run a survey and see who, scientists or military personal have the most sexual experience, who has gotten laid since they got here, and seduction.”

“Seduction?” Sheppard swallowed.

“Who’s better?” Rodney grinned. “It evolves anyone who wants to be involved we can have a sign up sheet in the mess.”

“Ur well…” Sheppard looked at Elizabeth who just shrugged and looked at him.

“Come on, major you’re not afraid are you?” Rodney goaded. Sheppard glared at him.

“Fine, we’ll do it!” He gave in.

“Perfect, I’ll write the survey and put a sign up sheet in the mess hall.”

“Who’s going to judge the winners?” Ford asked.

“Teyla and I will,” Elizabeth volunteered getting into the spirit of things.

TBC. . .