Home Is Where the Heart Is

It was early, like four am early, and John was getting ready to meet Teyla for a sparring session. In the last five years it became regular routine for them to meet every morning and practice their fighting skills. Get up at four, small breakfast, then gradually work themselves into their workout. On average their sessions would last anywhere from two to four hours and everyone in Atlantis knew not to disturb them unless it were an emergency.

John looked at his watch and cringed, "Shit, she's gonna kick my ass." He quickly finished packing his bag and headed out the door. On his way he thought about how his life had changed in the last five years. Five years ago he came with an expedition to explore the Pegasus galaxy. Five years since his life took on a whole new meaning. Five years since he met the closest person to him ever in his life other than his cousin Selene Sheppard. Selene was the only family he had left and he knew she understood his sudden disappearance. He remembered their conversation when he called to tell her he would be leaving and unreachable for an unknown amount of time. She just chuckled slightly and said she knew he would only do such a thing for good reason, but that she would miss him terribly. Thing about Selene, she was the most self-sacrificing person he knew. If it would make someone else's life better but put her in a kink, then she was fine with it. It was a quality he loved about her, and hated all the same. He could tell she was on the verge of tears just as he was, but they both stayed strong for one another. He allowed himself a brief moment to loath but quickly pulled himself together and told himself it would not be the last time he spoke with her. That moment of determination was his driving force to deal with his pain. That determination was the only thing that kept him going, until Teyla.

He rounded a corner and remembered a moment between himself and Teyla.

(Flashback)

John looked at Teyla from his perched position on the bed, slightly amused. Oh this is gonna be a lot of fun he thought pleasantly. "Where'd you hear that from?" he asked trying to hide his amusement.

She tilted her head at him from the couch rather comfortably. "I was in the commissary when I over heard two women talking. One of them mentioned that the other looked as if they were given a hickey, " she seemed rather puzzled by the word and interested in what it meant.

He smirked with a soft chuckle and sat up to lean his elbows on his knees. "It's a mark left under the skin. Made from excessive pressure from biting or sucking on the neck…or other places, " he explained strait forwardly.

She regarded him carefully with an inquisitive expression. "What is the purpose?" she further inquired.

He shrugged, "Nothing really, some people do it just to see what it feels like and others do it in a more primitive way. It can be someone's way of marking their territory."

"Marking their territory? So it is a territorial mark?" she gathered. "Sometimes…"

He thought for second and considered his answer. "Yeah, in a way I guess that's really why we do it. Sometimes it's done by accident, sometimes it's not."

She seemed to take in what he said but he could tell she was about to ask another question. "Is this a custom you practice?" she asked genuinely curious.

It was his turn to seem curious, "I have to be with the right person."

She looked at him intuitively, "You consider it to be an intimacy."
"Absolutely, and I would never put it in the most obvious place, " he admitted. "It's a lot of fun making them but they look like bruises and it's not appealing when they're in plain view."

Her brow creased in a furrow, "Where would you place one?"

"Places I would only see, " he voiced lowly, with enticement.

She caught his meaning quickly and raised an eyebrow with a small smile, "I see."

(Present)

That happened a little over a year after they came to Atlantis. A few months after the first Wraith attack. Since the first Wraith attack things around Atlantis changed. Not just city wise but people wise. Everyone seemed closer somehow. John Sheppard could not imagine a day without seeing Teyla Emmagan she had become such a large part of his life. Like their morning sessions, he found he couldn't function right if they didn't have them. He felt refreshed and energetic after their sessions. The exact opposite of how he felt if he missed a session. He was in better shape than when he came to Atlantis, physically and mentally.
Moments later he entered the training gym and sure enough there she was, sitting on the floor digging into some native fruit of hers.

She glanced at her watch and smiled, "You're late."

He stepped inside and placed his things next to hers and came to sit in front of her on the floor. Tables seemed too formal for their taste. "Not terribly late, " he commented taking a peach from the tray between them.

She smiled her usual smile and continued to eat. "Did you sleep well?" she asked taking a bite of her peach.

"Like a rock, " he stated with a mouthful of food.

"I see, " she noted. "That would explain your tardiness."

He rolled his eyes, "I did not oversleep."

She raised her eyebrow in a challenge.

He gave her his what look, "I took longer in the shower."

She nodded letting the subject drop, for the time being.

"So? What are we gonna do today?" he seemed anxious to get started.

She thought for a moment, "Perhaps the bow?" She took another piece of fruit from the tray.

"Blindfolded?" he grinned innocently biting into another peach.

She considered it for a moment, "It is something we have not done in some time."

He nodded in agreement. "I don't know why we do it…I always end up on my back, " he grinned at her at the last of his comment. "Not my favorite position." He added offhandedly.

She smiled a little more and reached for another piece of fruit from the tray. "Of course not, you like control," she reminded in a controlled tone. "Being on top or behind seems to suit your more."

"Yeah, I guess it does, " he commented lowly, which made her look him in the eye. They stared at one another for a long moment. "I know you don't like control." He could have sworn he saw her blush as she quickly looked down at the tray. He decided to leave her be, not wanting to ruin the morning by upsetting her.

They sat in relative silence for the rest of their meal, only to comment on the weather or how good the food was. They cleaned up and started their own readiness for the coming session. Majority of the time they only took twenty minutes or so to warm up. It was more for John's benefit than Teyla's. She was naturally flexible and only needed a moment or two to relax.

"I believe Dr. Weir is nervous about the gathering on the mainland, " she brought up.

He rolled his head on his shoulders, back and forth, "Oh yeah, why?" Come to think of it he was kind of nervous about it himself. Not that he didn't like going to the mainland or anything, he loved it. Over the last five years he'd grown very accustom to their culture. So much in fact he would practice it back on Earth if he ever returned.

"She has been attentive of what her attire should be for the occasion, " she sounded a bit puzzled at her behavior.

John chuckled, "Sounds to me like she might be trying to impress somebody."

"I believe it may be Dr. McKay, " she expressed bluntly. "I do not understand why they fight the strong attraction they have for one another? There is nothing to hold them back."

You mean like we do he thought stretching his arms above his head.

"Maybe she feels it will diminish her position as leader, " she wondered. "Or she may feel guilty because of her husband back on Earth." When he didn't respond to any of her questions or comments she glanced his way and saw an unusual expression on his face. He seemed to be trying to ignore something inside himself. She had known him long enough to know what that look meant. "It must be hard on all of you, " she started quietly. "To go as long as you have without companionship."

"It's over rated it you ask me, " the words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them. "What I meant was relationships, intimate relationships, are nice to have but when you've gone so long without one it doesn't bother you so much." He explained putting his hands on his hips.

"You grow accustom to loneliness?" she meant it as a statement but it came out like a question.

"Just the physical aspect of it, " he shrugged.

She grew silent for a moment and watched him. "It should not be that way, " she added in a sympathetic tone.

"Sometimes you don't have a choice, " he added offhandedly.

"It is an excuse, " she found herself saying all the sudden. Too watch John Sheppard over the years be the way he was saddened her. She did not want to see him unhappy. Even if his happiness was elsewhere, away from her, away from Atlantis.

That stopped him dead in his tracks. He looked across at her for a long moment. "Why don't you just say what you really wanna say Teyla, " he went strait to the point.

She lifted her chin slightly and faced him completely. "In the five years you have been here have you been intimate with anyone?" she asked bluntly as if she were about to make a point.

He narrowed his eyes at her not understanding the sudden attitude change from her. Without taking his eyes away from hers. "You know the answer Teyla, " he answered somewhat uncomfortably.

"Why?" she asked softly.

"It's complicated, you know that, " he answered shortly.

"To deny your own nature John is to deny the very thing that makes you human, " she quoted from a book of his.

"Yeah well just because something's within your reach doesn't mean you can take it, " he shot back.

"You don't have to take it to touch it, " she commented. "You're scared."

"What the hell are you getting at Teyla?" he asked as he walked to his bag to retrieve his bow and hers at the same time. "That people should just go around and screw everything in sight?" he asked sarcastically. He started towards her and tossed her a bow.

"Why have you become so defensive?" she asked.

"Why the hell are you grilling me all the sudden?" he almost fumed in return as they started to circle one another.

Another Earth term she thought affectionately as they began to stare the other down. "What is within your reach that you cannot have…Dr. Weir perhaps? " she bated as she moved into a defensive position and tilted her head. She knew there were no intimate feelings between them, just a deep friendship. John would kill anyone with his bare hands if they so much as harmed a hair on Elizabeth's head. It was a way of getting through his defenses.

If looks could kill though, Teyla would be ashes.

"Elizabeth has nothing to do with this, " he vowed quietly, too quietly, he was getting angrier by the minute.

She raised an eyebrow in response, "Shall we dance?"

He shrugged as if he didn't care then struck out at her with the bow. She blocked it effectively then countered his move only to be blocked in return. Half an hour went by and they were still going at it hot and heavy. They blocked and attacked with exact precision. You learn a lot about a persons fighting style when you spare with them practically everyday for four years, which meant you learned their weaknesses as well.

John saw that she kept leaving her left side open and took the opportunity to strike. He faked her into the wrong move and landed a solid shot to her side. "You're leaving your left side open, " he rectified nonchalantly.

She stiffened and moved around to take the sting out but did not retaliate against him. A hard hit was not to be taken personally. That was what they were there for, to train each other. If one made a mistake the other was to catch it, and fix it however possible. If Dr. Weir, McKay, Beckett or even Ford were to watch a sparring session they would probably cringe at the brutality they sometimes took on.

"Again, " she nodded getting into position.

They started their dance again. That's what it was, a dance. To an outside observer they looked like they were dancing. Every move was precise and thought out. Muscle memory is what John called it and it saved his life more times than he could count.
By now they were both sweating and breathing heavily from the constant motion. Teyla made a combination thrust-sweep but John maneuvered around it effectively. They were both getting tired and they knew it.

"Alright…your turn to give me some answers, " he breathed heavily as they started to circle again.

"You still have not answered my question?" she countered, tense with anticipation like a tiger hunting its pray in a prairie.

John was tense himself, and when John got tense he got impulsive, maybe too impulsive. "Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers too Teyla, " he warned.

"There is no right or wrong answer, " she told. "There is only the affirmation."

They continued to circle each other when something in her statement made him think. Was she giving him the opportunity to…"Come on Teyla I'm a little old for games, " he said with a bit of irritation.

"What do you want?" she asked out right as she unleashed a fury of an attack catching him off guard. He fell to his back but regained his bearings quick enough to stop her downward attack.

Alright, enough is enough he fumed as he knocked the bow out of her grasp and flung her to the ground on her back. In that moment it all suddenly came so clear to him. "You wanna talk about someone being afraid…maybe you should look in the mirror Teyla. What's within your reach you won't take?" he almost seethed.

She looked him directly in the eye with a fury, "You…"

"Why?" he asked unfazed by her answer.

"Like you said John, it is complicated, " she quoted staring up at him trying to catch her breath.

He watched her, letting his gaze fall down her body sheer with sweat. The rise and fall of her chest, her stomach tense, her legs limp around his midsection. It was then he noticed their intimate position. He couldn't count the times they ended up in the position. When they did he would comment on her mistake and quickly stand away. Now he feared he stayed too long.

The obvious question at this point was…What kept them apart? The obvious answer would be they were afraid. Afraid that one day John would one day leave for home and never return. Fear that Teyla would become a victim of the Wraith like so many of her people.

For five long years their relationship stayed within the boundaries of friendship. There were many times they almost crossed without knowing it. Back on Earth though, people would consider them closer than just friends. Athosian customs were far more suggestive to someone who didn't know them well. They never ventured into physical intimacy of lovers, but they were physically close. They would comfort each other when they needed or just wanted it.

It wouldn't be uncommon to see them walking down the hall arm in arm. Or when they gathered on the mainland for them to sit close enough to share a blanket, like they did at times.

"I'm afraid one day I'll never see you again, " he revealed sitting up. "I'm afraid one day we'll go home and never be able to come back."

She slowly sat up and brought her knees up to her chest to wrap her arms loosely around them. "I fear the same, " she admitted quietly. "I sometimes dream that I have gone to visit my people and when I return to the city…no one is there."

He shook his head as if in denial. "We've got a saying on my world...home is where the heart is. It's not the physical place but the people you're with. As long as you're with the ones you love you're home and I've always believed that."

"Do you not wish to return home someday?" she asked trying to hide the pain.

He laughed lightly, "There isn't anyone to go home too, except Selene, which would probably only pain me more if I were to see her again. I like to imagine that she's found a great guy to take care of her and now has lots of kids and a nice house with that big truck she's always wanted." He was smiling when he finished. "I don't want to put her through anymore pain than she's already gone through. That's why I never send any messages home."

Teyla moved before she knew what happened. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder and held him close. "I will always be here for you, " she whispered. "If the day should ever come know that I will be here waiting, you will always have a home here."

He pulled her closer and kissed the side of her neck. "This is my home…I'm not going anywhere, " he promised. For the longest time they held each other taking comfort in the knowledge they would be there if and when the time came.

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2nd Author's Note: This is my second attempt at a John/Teyla story. It's a work in progress and I've got three chapters done so far but I want to see how it does with the first and second before I post all of it. I'm hoping by the time I get to the third chapter I'll have more written. What I'm hoping to do is post a new chapter every couple of days.

Let me know what you think and we'll see from there. Please review, no matter the comment.