To Have and To Hold
To Have and To Hold
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style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">These
characters, but one, do not belong to me, they belong to channel
seven.
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style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Chapter 1
– Choices
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style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Dr
Charlotte Beaumont sat in her office, staring blankly at the walls.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> She had been feeling lost ever since she
had, as she put it, “needed space” from her girlfriend of four years,
Caitlin. Would they ever be able to
reconcile their differences or would this be the end of her longest relationship
since being married to Vincent?
Charlotte really wanted some happiness in her life but every time she
seemed to be heading that way, someone or something put a brick wall in front
her – namely herself!
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style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“
voice, “Are you ok?” asked her closest friend, Terri
Sullivan.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“Yeh,
Terri, just in that day dreaming mode again!style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Well, what’s my schedule like for the
rest of the afternoon? If it’s not
too bad, I might just take the rest of the day off.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> There is something I’ve got to do, and
if I leave it any longer, it might just be too late!”style="mso-spacerun: yes"> style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">explained
an anxious
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">.style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Terri
checked the diary and told
had two more patients,style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">
Mrsstyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"> Edwards
andstyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">
Mrsstyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
Mills. “You should be finished by
o’clock
doesn’t seem to be anything urgent after that.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Just leave your pager on in
case.”
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“Thanks
Terri, I really appreciate this, but it may already be too late.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> If Newell knew I was bunking off she
would kill the panel for appointing me over her head!style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Well, stuff her, some things just can’t
be left hanging” said
real feeling of animosity towards her nemesis.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">It was
o’clock
sitting in her car thinking what she was going to say to Caitlin.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Would it be too late to repair the
damage or would Caitlin be prepared to let an emotional lover back into her
life? There was only one thing to
do – face the consequences.
her car and headed off to the apartment they had shared for four years.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Reaching home,
a fewstyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">
metresstyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"> from the
driveway to compose herself and think how she was going to resolve the “Baby”
topic. “Well, now or never” said
pulled up outside the drive and switched the engine off.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Getting out of the car,
could talk in a rational manner and not fling accusations at the person she
cared most for. After all, it was
understandable that Caitlin didn’t comprehend the enormity of
to have a child as she was ten years younger and at 25 had plenty of time to
make a decision about children. On
the other hand if Charlotte couldn’t convince her to go with her feelings, then
it seemed that all would be lost because if there was one thing Charlotte
Beaumont did, it was go with her plans at all cost.
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key in the lock and opened the door “Caitlin, are you here because we really
need to talk.” There was no
response to
question but she went on towards the living room with no sign of Caitlin.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Suddenly there was a sound coming from
the bedroom and
little trepidation at what she might find, opened the door and there she found
Caitlin wrapped in the duvet, snoring her head off.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> “How I’ve missed that sound”
ruefully. Moving over to the bed
touched Caitlin, not wanting to frighten her, “Sweetheart, it’s me,
Charlotte.”
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Caitlin
woke with a start, knowing that no one was to be around.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Suddenly she sat up “Jesus Christ
Charlotte, you scared me half to death.
What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at work?”
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“I’m
sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but after the last two weeks apart, I had to
come and talk to you. I don’t want
to lose you and I know how you feel about me having a baby but please, can’t we
talk about it in a rational manner?”
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">said a
desperate
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">She really
wanted to have a child as time was not on her side, but she also wanted to keep
Caitlin, as she believed this would be her last chance at a real lasting
relationship.
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style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“
said what I had to say on the matter.
Now, I’m going to have a shower.” said a determined Caitlin, knowing that
going to give up without a fight.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Twenty
minutes later Caitlin appeared at the living room door where
already half way through a bottle of wine.
“Pour one for me?” asked Caitlin.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
“What’s the point, Caitlin? Have
the last four years not meant anything to you?”
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“
years old, with my life ahead of me.
What am I going to do with a baby around the house?style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Are you going to give up your new career
and look after him or her? I don’t
think so!” responded an exasperated Caitlin.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“Look,
darling, I love you from the bottom of my heart and want to spend the rest of my
life with you but I’m a lot older than you and this is probably my last chance
at having a child. lang=EN-GB
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">I so want
to be a mother, it hurts bad.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Just
listen to me please and if at the end of it you want to walk out of my life then
so be it, but I will always love you, and I don’t think you will ever know just
how much this has affected me. From
what you’ve said, I basically have two choices, one, I forget about having a
child and we can continue our relationship, which is so special, or two, have a
child and you will walk out of my life because you don’t want the responsibility
of having to care for it. Ever
since I met you, my life has changed for the better, I got away from shift work
and got the job as Chief Obstetrician, I found the woman of my dreams after
being alone for so long, and the best thing about my life at the moment is
holding you in my arms at night, waking up with you beside me, making love to
you whenever ‘the urge’ takes me.
All these things make up my life, but there is one thing missing, and I
can’t let go of the desire to have a baby with you.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I always wanted someone special to be
there with me, and over the last four years, I have come tolang=EN-GB
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">
realisestyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"> that you
are the person, who can help me make my life so complete.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I haven’t even gone into the whole
details of having the child, but seeing expectant mothers in my office every
day, just pulls at my heart. Seeing
them through to the birth of a child is the most wonderful experience any woman
can have. Please don’t deny me
that. style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">I want you
to be a part of it.” said an emotionally, and slightly drunk,
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“Caitlin,
we can work this out together, please, just let me have some sort of plan worked
out and then discuss it with you. I
would love for Vincent to be the father, but again I haven’t asked him.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I know this is going to be one of the
biggest, if not the biggest, decision of my life and the choices I make are
going to affect everyone around me.”
Feeling exhausted
on the sofa, hoping Caitlin would join her, but not feeling to expectant of
anything from the woman she loved so deeply.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Caitlin
poured herself another glass of wine, and sat down beside
party thrown by a mutual friend, she had wanted to be with her.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> It didn’t matter that there was ten
years between them. She had wanted
first minute she had set eyes on her and had done everything that night to make
sure they weren’t too far apart until she had the opportunity of being left
alone with the woman who stood out in the crowd.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> They had begun to chat and within a
couple of minutes both had made the decision that it was time to leave the
party. They had taken a cab back to
and once inside the door they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.style="mso-spacerun: yes">
pinned Caitlin up against the wall and begun to kiss her passionately on the
lips. Very slowly she had begun to
undress the woman, who twenty minutes ago she didn’t even know, and before long
they were making love with such passion that the sweat was beginning to roll off
she had never experienced before.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“All right
you are older than me and as you said this may be your last opportunity, but
what about the life we have together?
Don’t you remember our first meeting, making love within twenty minutes
of knowing each other? I’d say that
was an indication of the feelings we had for each other from the word go!style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I love you very much, but I don’t know
if I want to have a child running our lives at the moment, can’t you understand
that? I want to do so many things
with you like taking off for a weekend, going out at night, without having
tostyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">
organisestyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"> someone
to look after a baby. What sort of
life is that? Don’t you think it
would be advisable to ask Vincent if he will help you?style="mso-spacerun: yes"> What if he says no?style="mso-spacerun: yes"> If I know you, and I think I do, after
four years, you won’t want to go to a donor bank and choose ‘father unknown’,
you want to know the father of your child?
Think this through very carefully
our sakes. It isn’t just your life
that is going to change; all your friends and family will be affected by what
you do. I for one am not sure I
want to come second to a child, which is invariably what is going to happen
between you and me. Can’t you see
the bigger picture
all people shouldstyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">
realisestyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"> the
enormity of your decision? If you
can promise me you will think this all through from start to finish and make an
informed decision, then I’m going nowhere and will work out what happens when
the time comes. If, on the other
hand, you tell me that you have already made up your mind and no one is going to
talk you out of this, regardless of the outcome, then I’m sorry but you and I
won’t have a relationship any longer.
It’s your choice
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">When
Caitlin had finished,
staring into space, wondering how she was going to answer her lover’s
questions.
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Opening
another bottle of wine,
think through her choices and what decision she was going to make.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> After taking a sip of wine she
began
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">“Caitlin,
I’m sorry, I behaved without a thought about anyone.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I can’t bear to be apart from you any
longer. I promise I will take time
to work out what is best and what effects having a baby will create, not only on
our relationship, but on everyone who knows and loves me.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I hadn’t thought about the outside
world. I was just thinking that it
would be so good to have a baby to make us a complete family, and I hoped I
could talk you round but that was wrong of me and I sincerelylang=EN-GB
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB">
apologisestyle="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US"> for any
hurt I caused you. I don’t even
know if Vincent will agree to the idea but having been married to the guy, I
couldn’t think of anyone else who I would want to father my child.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> It is a big decision and I promise I
will think about it very carefully and let you know what I have decided.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I can’t bear to be apart from you any
longer, I have missed curling up with you in the evening, having a glass of wine
and then going to bed exceptionally early to make love in a way that even
Vincent didn’t make me feel. I love
you so much, and all I want to do know is take you in my arms and forget the
last two weeks.”
crying uncontrollably which made Caitlin move closer and put her arms around
her.
her with all her strength and the emptiness of the last two weeks just kept
rolling down her cheeks until she had nothing left to
give.
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style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-ansi-language: EN-US">Chapter 2
– Broken Dreams – to follow.
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