Ares' Crown

Ares tossed his head to one side and his beautiful, thick, black curls swept gracefully across the perfect skin of his cheek. His angelic face had a glimmer of mirth shining in his eyes as he laughed with amusement at the hostess’ joke. She was a gorgeous young girl, the daughter of one of the rich warlords who worshiped him, attempting to seduce the god in order to gain his favor for her father.

Ares was eating it up, too. One of the best things about being a “god” was getting to reap all the benefits that present themselves. He was constantly wined and dined, catered to, given gifts – oh, and what gifts, some of them! Belly dancers, slave girls, daughters, virgins! Yum yum! This was no different. Nonetheless, he had to admit, it was a great party. And this chick was pretty hot for him ~ and pretty hot looking! Yes, this one will do quite nicely.

“So, La … Lydia . . .”

“Cla-mydia,” she corrected.

“Oh, sorry, CLA – mydia, you said you were interested in seeing my godly sword, huh?” he teased, moving his eyebrows up and down a couple of times. But after hearing her name again, he was starting to wonder if he should be flirting with her. Who names their daughter Clamydia, anyway? How awful!

She giggled. “Oh, Ares, you know I would do just about anything for you. And I do mean anything!” She winked at him.

Just then, one of the servants passed by with a plateful of Clamydia’s home baked cookies and offered them to the couple. Clamydia grinned largely.

“Ares, you have to try one of my homemade cookies. I named them “God's Delight.” Please, tell me what you think.”

Ares shrugged and said, “Okay.” He picked one up and took a bite. It was horrible! Dry and tasteless, hard as stone. He feigned approval as he forced himself to swallow it down.

“So, you like them?” Clamydia asked with excitement on her face.

Ares nodded. “Yes, they're . . . different,” he said taking another bite into his mouth. He smiled half-heartedly.

“Oh, I'm so pleased that you like them. I will have to bake you some come time for Solstice. Maybe Ill throw another party in . . .”

“OOWWWW! MOTHER OF ZEUS!” Ares cried, interrupting his hostess.

“What's wrong, my Lord?”

“My tooth! I just broke my tooth on your damn cookie,” he barreled, holding the piece of broken enamel in his palm.

“Goodness, Ares. I . . . I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.”

Ares glared at the young girl. “Well, you can say that you won't make any more of these things or I'll give them to my soldiers to use as weapons in their slingshots.”

He disappeared.


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Moments later, the tough God of War barged into his father's residence on Mt. Olympus, coddling his jaw with his hand.

“Zeus! Thank the gods I've found you. Father, can you heal my mouth?”

Zeus looked at his son, grimacing from the pain reflected in his face. “What's wrong with your mouth, son?” the King of the Gods asked.

Ares held out his hand and showed Zeus the broken piece of tooth.

Zeus shook his head. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Ares, you know I can't fix that. You are going to have to go visit Dr. Zany. All dentist work for the gods is done by her.”

Suddenly, the room started to close in around Ares. “Dr. Zany? Father, no! Please. I don't want to go there.” Sweat formed over his brow, and he felt short of breath.

Ever since Ares was a young boy, he had hated to visit that old crazy dentist. She was a big monster with no mouth and blue head and body, inflicting horrible pain by using noisy weapons in her victim's mouth. And she always smelled of antiseptic.

“What about Apollo? Can't he do anything for me?”

Zeus laughed. “No, Apollo can't heal your tooth either. Ares, you're not afraid to go to the dentist, are you? I thought you got over those nightmares centuries ago?”

“W…wh…who me? I'm the God of War! I fear NOTHING. Especially not some crazy old doctor,” he said, trying to convince himself as much as his father.

“That's good! Ill let her know you're on your way, then.” Zeus waved his hand in the air. “There. Done. She'll be expecting you in twenty minutes. Now, run along, son.” He laughed again, not convinced that Ares wasn't still afraid of the poor doctor.

“Thanks a lot, dad,” he grumbled and was on his way.


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The closer Ares got to Dr. Zany's office, the more his stomach turned in knots. He remembered the last time he visited the dentist. When he left he couldn't feel his tongue, and bit it all to Tartarus eating dinner that night. He had nightmares that the doctor would show up in the middle of the night and try to drill more holes in him e sle slept. He stopped.

“Fuck this! I don't need it fixed.”

He disappeared and headed out to check on a couple of wars in progress. He arrived at one as it was concluding, his soldiers – victorious! He entered the general's tent just in time for the celebration.

“My Lord? I'm honored that you join us in celebration,” the large man said while handing the god a goblet.

Ares took the cup and waited for it to be filled, and then toasted the victory with his men. He brought the cup to his lips and downed the wine in one drink.

The cold alcohol hit his exposed tooth and the god literally shot through the roof of the tent. It happened so fast that nobody quite knew what happened. They only heard a loud scream. Then it faded until it was completely gone.

A moment later Ares was at the door of Dr. Zany's office. As he walked in, the chimes that hung on the door sang pleasantly to his ears and he immediately thought, “Don't remember the door being so friendly before. Those bells must be new.”

A gorgeous male with blonde hair sat behind the reception desk. He looked up at Ares and a wide grin spread across his face as his eyes ran down the war god's body. “Can I help you?”

Ares rolled his eyes. He got that kind of a response nearly everywhere he went. “Yes,” he answered. “I believe Dr. Zany is expecting me.”

“And you are?” the receptionist asked.

“Ares, God of War,” he answered, surprised that the man didn't know that already.

“God of War? Yum!”

“Excuse me?”

“Um, yes. The doctor will be with you momentarily. Please follow me.”

Blondie led Ares down the hall and pointed to a door. “Right through there, my Lord.” He should have taken the god all the way to the room, however he would not have gotten to view his tight ass if he had. Blondie smiled and licked his lips, watching Ares swagger to the room and close the door behind him.

As soon as Ares entered the room, he began to feel woozy and lightheaded. “There's that wretched smell,” he thought to himself. It was the antiseptic. He hadn't yet noticed the doctor standing quietly at the other end of the room, viewing some X-rays, and was startled when she spoke.

“Just have a seat and make yourself comfortable, Ares.” Her voice was muffled, as if she was talking through a cloth.

He complied, reluctantly.

The doctor was dressed in hospital blues, complete with a matching blue cap and a large mask that covered nearly her entire face. Only her big green eyes could be seen.

Ares sat restlessly, awaiting his fate. Nervous, he twisted his hands continually. The doctor flipped off the Xrays viewing light and then picked up his file from the desk.

“Well, Ares, it's been a long time since you've come to see me. Almost 900 years! You really need to be coming in for regular check-ups about once every hundred years.”

Dr. Zany was half mortal and half god. Fathered by Hermes and a mortal woman. She didn't possess any powers other than an extraordinary knack for healing toothaches. One day, she cured a terrible toothache Zeus had, so he granted her immortality and made her "Dentist to the Gods." That was nearly two millennia ago.

She set down the file and approached him. Dr. Zany's eyes widened with pleasant surprise. She hadn't seen the God of War since he was a young teenage boy. “Gods, Ares, have you ever grown up into a fine looking god! So what can I do for you today?”

Ares couldn't speak; his heart was beating rapidly in his throat. He pulled the piece of broken tooth from the inside pocket of his leather vest, inadvertently showing off part of his well muscled, hairy, bronzed chest as he did and handed it to the doctor.

“Oh, you broke a tooth, I see” she said.

Ares looked the good doctor up and down. She appeared nothing like he remembered. “You don't seem as large and scary as I remember you to be, Doc.”

She smiled. You couldn't see her mouth do it because of the mask, but her eyes told him so. “Yes, thank you. Your sister, Aphrodite, convinced me to join a spa. That Cloud-master has got to be Zeus’ best creation yet. I've lost nearly 140 pounds over the last 70 years. Patients tell me all the time that they have noticed a big change in me.”

Suddenly, the god felt much more relaxed. She wasn't a big blue monster, bent on destroying the Gods of Olympus. She was just like him. He would have smiled at her, but his tooth was beginning to throb again.

“Well,” she said as she snapped on her latex gloves, “let's take a look. Open wide, please.”

Ares did as instructed. She picked up the mirrored tool and poked it around his mouth. “Uh-ha. Ah, yes. I see. Broke that tooth pretty good, you did. You are going to need a crown. Do you mind a shot or would you prefer I use the gas instead?”

The room started to spin again for poor Ares. “What for?” he asked nervously.

“Because, I need to fill that cavity and take some impressions for the crown.”

Ares thought for a moment. He really didn't like needles. “Gas, please.”

“Okay, gas it is!”

Dr. Zany retrieved the breathing apparatus and placed it over his mouth and nose. She reached over the god to turn on the tank and her breasts accidentally touched his chest. The nipples instantly got hard.

“Pardon me, son,” she excused, not paying much attention to it. Ares couldn't help but notice the size of the good doctor's bosom.

After a few moments of setting up her tools, Dr. Zany removed the breathing apparatus from the God of War's mouth. Ares looked at her with half open, stoned eyes and managed to smile.

“How do you feel?” she asked.

“I don't know,” he slurred. He grabbed her hand and placed it on his chest, under his vest. “You tell me, Doc.”

She felt an electrifying rush of excitement at the touch of his skin. Quickly, she yanked her hand away. “Ares, behave yourself please. Now, open wide and let me know if you feel any pain. Okay?”

“Yes, ma'am,” he agreed.

The entire time the doctor worked on Ares’ tooth, she found herself becoming distracted by his magnificent body and strikingly good looks. The guy was gorgeous and oozed with sexuality. His chest looked so good, she thought the rest of him probably would be just as impressive. It's a shame that dentistry doesn't require your pats tos to be a little less dressed.

Ares’ mind was spinning, as well, with strange thoughts. The guy was higher than the moon, and felt rather giddy, too. The gas seemed to heighten his hormone levels. He really had to struggle not to reach up and grab the doctor's boobs. They seemed to be staring him in the face, for Zeus’ sake.

Finally, when Dr. Zany was done with her task, Ares started blurting out incomprehensive ramblings about nothing in particular. Then, clear as a bell, he said to her, “Hey, doc. These reclining chairs are really cool! Ever been laid in one?”

The doctor turned around, stunned by his boldness and eyed him doubtingly. “And what would you know about getting laid?
You've just barely turned a man,” she teased, evading an answer.

Not giving him time to respond, she stuffed some quick-drying clay into his mouth and told him to bite down hard and hold. He didn't have a choice except to follow orders.

After she removed the cast of impressions, she gave him some mouthwash to rinse with, and told him to come back in two weeks. The crown wouldn't be ready until then. She quickly left the room, almost desperate to get away from him in fear that she would do something she'd regret.