rate_review Reviews

This story is McDonald's - I'm lovin' it.

Seriously. Good shit. Good fucking. Good story. I want so bad for them to take it to the next level and have a relationship. I don't care 'bout kinks or BDSM - I kinda want a scene where Sarah watches Chuck fuck Carina but that's it. This is a story-heavy fuck fic, so I'm digging the good story and good fucking.

Loved the new chapter. Once again very well written and hot. And liked seeing jealous Sarah make an appearance. I wouldn't mind seeing her again, since she is the one who wanted the no strings attached deal.

I do agree with a previous reviewer about needing some more adventurous sex. To some readers, them having the same kind of vanilla sex chapter after chapter may get repetitive. I did like how you had them go at it in the car while in a park though, that was definitely new. So as you feel more comfortable with it maybe try and write some more wild scenes. For example another round in a semi-public place or maybe Carina keeps pestering until she agrees to a threesome. Even an anal scene or some use of toys would add a little variety to the story.

So just keep doing what your doing and as you feel more comfortable make the sex a little more adventurous, I think that will make for an even better story than you already have. And it's awesome already.

I like how you have them progressing and getting a little bolder with their locations. Sarah being a little jealous was a nice touch as well. Think you may need to have them getting a little kinkier in the next few chapters, but apart from that it's progressing well.

As several others have said, the sex is very simple and plain, and has remained so as they story has gone on. I had to laugh at the user that implied that play wrestling, mutual masturbation and bending someone over a couch is adventurous sex. That person is surely a virgin, or, failing that, incredibly naive. (OH WOW, ORAL SEX! AND THEY'RE DOING IT ON THE COUCH THIS TIME!! LOOK OUT!!!)

That being said, you gave an explanation at the start of this chapter as to why things are the way they are. You're not comfortable branching out when it comes to that stuff yet. And that's fine, you shouldn't feel any pressure to do so. But you have to understand that despite all that, it DOES considerably hurt the quality of the story.

Other users have instead raised issues with the pace of the story. I see that as a much smaller problem. I don't think it has gotten stale (although maybe a little repetitive). You're doing just enough plot/character-development-wise to keep it from getting dull and sluggish. Whether you want to take that as a compliment is up to you. You certainly could be doing more if you want to, but in my eyes the sex is the much bigger issue.

I agree with what others have said about having Sarah realize her feelings.

The person who said this: "I'd like to see Sarah realize that she's been lying to herself and she does want something more. Whether it's by herself or her seeing Chuck with another woman (not in a relationship or fuckbuddies but just flirting or on a first date or something) I think that would be the best route this story could take."

I agree with this 100%. My own suggestion, not only is it kinky but it brings across that same message. You should have Carina bring up that she wants a go with Chuck (whether that is a 3some or her joking about it) and you could either have them go through it and Sarah realizes something isn't right with it, or just Carina joking about it makes her defensive and realize why that may be.

Anyway interested to see where you go from here. I would like to see more relationship stuff

Personally I think the pace of the story is goin about right to be honest. Sarah just wanted to be fucked, but now she's feeling more confident with an arrangement that she's never done before. Researching blowjobs techniques and such is showing that she wants to start pushing her sexual boundaries, and will start to feel more daring with the arrangement. Expect the sex to get more wild and such in future chapters.

The previous reviewer said this story had slowed down, had no development and the sex was vanilla... I have no idea what they were reading because I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Sarah researching oral sex and the sexting was a hoot. Her masturbating thinking of him and getting to know a little more about him when he shows up looks like Sarah is forgetting her own rules.

Bending her over the couch and taking her (ordering her, the cop, to "spread"), straddling him to masturbate for him before he pulls her up to eat her out, playfully wrestling to finish each other off...

Yeah, so vanilla.

Even the Bryce flashback (which seemed odd at first) showed that she sees in Chuck what she always wanted from her ex in terms of being insanely passionate about her

I do wonder about the "thing" Chuck went to for Ellie and whether he would have LIKED to have invited Sarah... But he knew that would violate their agreement. (I just hope it wasn't a blind/double date and he then went to Sarah's.)

I saw a lot of development, hints that Sarah is falling for him and even a vague hint of a possible development that's going break the status quo. It would require someone paying more attention than "just quickly read through this latest chapter" to notice, but you really have a nuanced, well constructed story evolving beyond "just smut" (which I suppose I'll have to forgive you for). ;)

Just wanted to let you know that some of us noticed. Looking forward to next!

Yeah I completely disagree with the anon reviewer that said this story is slowing down too much and falling into a pattern that is stale. Loved this previous chapter and can't wait to read more. Liked how the sex was a little more wild with the oral sex and Chuck talking Sarah from behind. I think introducing some other positions and/or some anal sex would be fun. Maybe have them have sex somewhere they may get caught or something wild like that would be good.

I also hope that there is some development in their relationship soon. Like I said in an earlier review, I'd like to see Sarah realize that she's been lying to herself and she does want something more. Whether it's by herself or her seeing Chuck with another woman (not in a relationship or fuckbuddies but just flirting or on a first date or something) I think that would be the best route this story could take.

I can't wait to read more!

This story is quickly falling into the same pitfalls that all your other stories eventually do: plot has slowed to a crawl, minimum character development, same vanilla sex over and over again. I've only just quickly read through this latest chapter, but I'm finding hard to get the motivation to want to get into it. The story is just losing me. There's only so many times I can read an entire chapter of the same structure of go to apartment->sex->leave->end before I tap out.

You're a talented writer in many aspects, including the smut. But you have to give us a reason to keep caring.

I too was wondering how they could go this long before Chuck went down on Sarah. Me? I'd never stop having my face between her legs.

Good stuff. And for all the good fucking, I look forward to the day these crazy kids make this legit, and fall in love with each other and whatnot.