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February 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Mind how you use quotes when people are thinking; if you put them around things written in third person, then it looks as though the person thinks in third person. A couple of times, where it's a bit less clear that an internal monologue is going on, it looks as though he's speaking out loud in third person.
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July 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
That was amazing, and I think you captured the dynamic between Michael and Fiona perfectly. I was wondering if there was any fandom to speak of and was delighted when I found that there were stories (albeit only a few) that were so well written. I haven't checked out your other work yet because I haven't watched all the episodes and saw the spoiler warning, but I'm definitely anticipating it. One slight thing, I noticed that you wrote Fiona's nickname as "Fee" when in the subtitles on TV it's "Fi" - but maybe that's my TV, I haven't checked the official website or anything. Well, it doesn't matter much either way. You certainly made both of them totally sexy...just the way they are in the series!
I would love to see more from you and hope you continue writing this deliciously :]
I would love to see more from you and hope you continue writing this deliciously :]
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December 2, 2007 at 12:00 AM
That was awesome!
I love Michael and Fiona.
Great job, I hope to see another story from you soon. Nowhere near enought burn notice fiction out there.
I love Michael and Fiona.
Great job, I hope to see another story from you soon. Nowhere near enought burn notice fiction out there.