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June 24, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Just a thought: you write Heather's reactions to the stimulation as though she is actually interacting with him. Given that this is a fantasy, and not a memory, you might consider telling her reactions through Jason's eyes.
For example, Each flick of his tongue across her nipples sent little electric tingles down her spine. could be written as Each flick of his tongue across her nipples cause her to shiver and quake in his arms. or something to that effect. That way, the reader still gets the effect of the electrifying sensation, while maintaining the fantasy aspect of your story.
Otherwise, I thought it was a cute little PWP. Thank you for sharing, and happy writing!