rate_review Reviews

wow sososososo hot. please write another oc slash fic like this!!!

O_O...ok that was definatly PWP but what? ok constuctive critisim time. One of the things that I noted about your fic was that the dialogue was fuzzy (speech marks were alittle lacking in some places and you could not tell who was talking) at best. Another thing is that you didn't get any feeling with how the actual characters portray themselves. The last time I looked Ryan would not just say 'Fuck yah' and go head first into a threesome. For pieces in a porn script this "story" would be good. This may have been fixed by a beta, try to find one if you can. Betas are a god send and they will help you with the grammer and the like. I do give you credit with using lube though, not may people do and they think that spit or blood is the way to go. This is not so. I suggest that you take some time to read other peoples work, on threesomes and slash couples, who dont write on AFF.Net. For example P.L.Nunn's Bishonen Works or The Tenth Muse 1 Fanfiction (her site is sometimes hard to find on Goggle). You might pick us some hints from them. All in all its not bad but just really really rough. If you are serious about writing your fandom then write true to character and not a bad porn PWP.

that was hot. make it into a series.

hey good story! It would be kinida cool for a sequal tho. By the way your story totaly made me wet

write a sequel, the girl walk in and they join them rayn begins to fuck marissa and zack and seth fuck summer together
or something its just a idae
bye

In case you guys were wondering, I think I am gonna write a marissa/alex story next. Alex is so fuckin' hot I feel kinda obligated.

-Cayton