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December 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
A note to Nocturne: I am fully aware that given the time span between your comment and now, you'll more than likely never read this. Nevertheless, I'd like to point out that our dear friend Nocturne's criticisms are, quite frankly, laughable. Did it ever occur to you that this style was intentionaly? It did to me. You see, there is a literary tradition of using stream of conciousness writing to recount dreams. And, given the story's title, it seems quite clear to me that this is a dream. Kindly, take an english class.
To the author: *I* found it sexy.
To the author: *I* found it sexy.
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February 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hmm.
This is crap, first and foremost. Not because it is "graphic" - I've read, and written, far more graphic things, myself - but because it is so POORLY executed.
First and foremost is the completely UNforgiveable lack of a little thing called PUNCTUATION. You ARE aware of things like commas, periods, and line breaks, are you not, author?
Second, and equally as important, is your disgusting lack of comprehension. Your "story" reads like a piece of fifth-grade smut drivel written by a horny, functionally-retarded chimpanzee doped up on methamphetamine. I DO sincerely HOPE that English is NOT your first language, because that is the ONLY excuse one could have for slaughtering it so mercilessly.
Until you learn how to properly structure a simple sentence, and write a coherent story, please do your fandom a huge favor, and do not publish your writings again. You, and others like you, only serve to further tarnish the reputations of the rest of us.
This is crap, first and foremost. Not because it is "graphic" - I've read, and written, far more graphic things, myself - but because it is so POORLY executed.
First and foremost is the completely UNforgiveable lack of a little thing called PUNCTUATION. You ARE aware of things like commas, periods, and line breaks, are you not, author?
Second, and equally as important, is your disgusting lack of comprehension. Your "story" reads like a piece of fifth-grade smut drivel written by a horny, functionally-retarded chimpanzee doped up on methamphetamine. I DO sincerely HOPE that English is NOT your first language, because that is the ONLY excuse one could have for slaughtering it so mercilessly.
Until you learn how to properly structure a simple sentence, and write a coherent story, please do your fandom a huge favor, and do not publish your writings again. You, and others like you, only serve to further tarnish the reputations of the rest of us.
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August 9, 2004 at 12:00 AM
You should do more of this!!!! I soooooo good. I love it. Great job!