rate_review Reviews

please update this soon

really really good I really enjoy this story cant wait for more it would be kinda kewl is either Paige or Sam got pregnant too but that is just me
KEEP WRITNG PLEASE

I think this is pretty good for your first fic.

I would tell you that you might want to tease each description out a little more. When it comes to the sexual scenes you lump all the action into the same sentence: licking, biting, raking, etc. etc. etc. One of the joys of writing is you can stretch it out as long as you want.

For the content focused action, Piper glared, distrusted, or hated the demon Diamana. You gave the basis for the anger, but you told us she was angry. You didn't give the scene as it unfolded. Piper looked through the Book of Shadows and found a description of the demon Diamana. She found that this demon had the power of 3 all wrapped up in her body. Not only the strength of the demon was implicated but also the demon had the power to charm all women. If Piper wasn't careful the demon could get all the charmed ones without a fight. They might even fall in love with Diamana. Piper looked at the book one last time, "I have to warn my sisters."

The subject matter itself: finding out you're a lesbian and have to tell your family...difficult stuff. Paige brought the desperation herself. The longer she waited to tell them the inconceivable the more she talked herself into a hole with them. I know all of us delay the uncomfortable but we have to get over it somehow. Paige was aggravating me because she continued to delay and create more conflict in the process. She needs to get a backbone.

Look This story is great and all,but how about you try this idea.....

Piper catching them!(Paige and Samara)

I'm starting to get bored and i just want to see Piper catching them and i wanna read her reaction. So if you don't mind trying to cut back on the sex and put in that idea!

-_- Ok?

Look This story is great and all,but how about you try this idea.....

Piper catching them!(Paige and Samara)

I'm starting to get bored and i just want to see Piper catching them and i wanna read her reaction. So if you don't mind trying to cut back on the sex and put in that idea!

-_- Ok?

Look This story is great and all,but how about you try this idea.....

Piper catching them!(Paige and Samara)

I'm starting to get bored and i just want to see Piper catching them and i wanna read her reaction. So if you don't mind trying to cut back on the sex and put in that idea!

-_- Ok?

please write some more, I'm dying to know what happens next. I'm not even interested in the sex anymore just the plot of the story... it's well written and i'm enjoying it immensely. good job.
~sandra~

Okay, the first thing I noticed while reading your fic was your story format. You can't use script while writing novel style at the same time-this is just tacky. Use either or. If you want a character to speak use dialogue in the form of a novel format and not script. Put the description into the dialogue. Personally, I don't like script at all because you can't feel the emotions of the characters and the plot movement of the story. Your spelling, grammar, and puncuation are hopeless, but they could use a little work. It might help to read the story out loud to yourself before you post if you can't find a Beta for your fiction. You seem to want to learn to write and you've got a good start. Good luck and keep improving. ~AJ McKay

So when are you going to update again? This fic is really good!

Excellent i nearly orgasmed reading this excellent character actions and sex scenes please more soon