rate_review Reviews

I like this, though I feel that it's a bit short. It'd be good, I suppose, tos ee a bit of build up to The Main Act (after all, it's what everybody is here for...), but I would've liked to see a tense build up that makes everyone go 'Jool, you know you want it! Be sensible!', 'Your a college girl, Jool, your meant to experiment!' and of course 'You want it. Chian wants it. And most of all, we want to see it!'

Also, I found that when Jool and Chiana actually had sex, there seemed to be no discernable paragraphing, at least not that I could detect. Perhaps you could put a blank line between each paragraph, to make it clearer where one paragraph ends and another begins?

Anyway, nice story, you have some real potential here, so keep up the good work.

Farf has to let him go! Omi helped Nagi! Mew mew mew... (my way of telling you to update!)

Oh and for the wedding chapter, If you wanna change it, Orli's mum's name is Sonya Copelandom:)om:)

You know, I don't think Lucius is terribly out of character here at all. You've done a great job getting him to this point and I find it very believable. I am enjoying this story so much. I get a thrill every time I see an update!